I decided to really buckle down and try to write regularly. I feel
awful because I have not done any of the things I did with my first pregnancy.
I didn't keep a journal, video documentary; I didn't even take pictures of my
belly. To be honest we were so wrapped up with Karson and everyday life that
most days we would forget I was pregnant. No excuses, I am sure years from now
I will get the "Mom, why didn't you do those things for me?" I will
have one word for her, exhaustion. To be honest I have been lacking in the
video/picture department for Karson lately too. It doesn't help he never stays
still long enough to actually take his photo and most times with the video
camera he wants to hold it. We haven't even tried to take him back to get his
professional photos taken. Ahh, the joys of parenting, you would think after
all the things you do for them, all they could do in return is take a decent
picture!
Yesterday, I decided enough was enough. I
broke out the flip camera and I took some video of Karson's baby room and the
empty soon to be nursery, for a little "before action." It took us
long enough, but Kurt and I are finally starting to nest for the sequel. It’s
so bitter sweet our little baby is turning into a slightly older big boy and
our family is growing from three to four! I am getting excited for our new
arrival, but with it brings such emotions, none like I have ever had. I worry
about Karson and his jealousy (at this point he doesn't even like when I hug
Kurt). I worry that he will hurt his sister, he is such a bruiser! We lovingly
call him Bam Bam. I worry that we will all loose our ever loving minds with two
children! Then, on the other hand I can't wait to see Karson with his sister, I
can't wait to have a little baby again (this time I will know what the hell I
am doing, hopefully) and I can't wait to sit down as a family and embrace our
tiny miracles. Two months and all the emotion will be wrapped up into one
second when she is in my arms and once again I become a Mom, my light switch
moment, my glow.
After putting off all work for as long as
possible, I finally convinced Kurt it was time to get the room ready. Actually
I lie; he came to his own conclusion, which works for me. Karson, Kurt, Grammy
and I crammed into C-pops truck and we took the long journey to Ikea. I had a
list in my head what we needed and of course some stuff that I wanted. Grammy
was there to be my back up and run ideas off of. Let's face it Kurt is awesome,
but when it comes to Ikea I can get a little wild and need someone else who
gets as excited as me! We ended up getting Karson his big boy bed, which was on
sale for only $100! Score. We also purchased a book shelf, wall shelves and a
closest organizer, along with some other fun stuff! We headed out to da po
yesterday and got the paint. Today, Daddy is painting the room, tomorrow is
furniture day and we should have two cool new kids’ rooms by the weekend. I
suspect I will be sleeping alone; Kurt has already planned on a big boy
sleepover in Karson's room. I am not gonna lie if I wasn't so heavy and
uncomfortable I would sleep in there too. His bed is awesome!
I am scheduled for my c-section on Aug.
1st. Less than two months away! I was really hoping that I could do things
naturally this time, but I don't want to be a hard head about it. The most
important thing is that she is healthy. I am slowly coming to terms with the
fact I will never have a baby naturally. I know it sounds completely self
absorbed and I know there are women who would give anything just to have a
child. I should count my blessings and just move on, I just can't get over
being told I can't do something, it’s a strength, really it is. I guess all
hope is not lost quite yet. I made a deal with my doctor and Kurt that if she
decides to come early we will try natural, until decided otherwise. Doctor said
it might work since we don't know why I had to have a c-section with Karson.
Hopefully the l & d part will be as easy as the pregnancy has been.
Karson's journey was one speed bump after another, at this point 31 weeks I was
a beached whale waiting to explode. This time around I still have energy, I am
sleeping comfortably, I am just getting the job done. I am kinda sad to have
the pregnancy part almost over; I never thought I would hear myself say that.
Boy, how different things are the second time around.
We have a lot of changes headed our way.
It will be interesting to see how we all adjust and come out on the other
side.
