Soak It Up.

My darling boy turned 3 this past week. Let me repeat that last sentence...I AM A MOTHER TO A 3 YEAR OLD! Where have the nights of endless crying gone, where have the worries of having a non-verbal toddler go, when has my precious baby grown up on me? I know when you're in the moment, completely overwhelmed and underappreciated, and someone (usually a nice older person) tells you to enjoy every moment, soak it up, "they'll be grown before you know it", you probably want to kill them. If you're like me you just smile and nod, thinking to yourself "are they freaking insane", I haven't showered in days, or took a pee by myself in years!?! Don't even get me started on the neglect of my husband (who most days feels like just another zoo keeper). I can't believe I'm admitting it out loud, but they are right. Don't blink...sure complain, get it out of your system, have bad days, admit it, it's all about survival, you are human Super Mom, but don't ever...not for one second wish that time away. Before you know it, you'll be writing a post about how your baby, the only first born you'll ever have, is talking to you like a real person. You'll struggle to remember those first labor pains, the sore milk filled boobs, the way they felt when they fit perfectly into your arms. I sit here writing this tearing up. Those are days I will never get back and memories I will never make again, not with this child or with any other.

I am ashamed to admit I took those days, many months and milestones with Karson for granted. I was a first time clueless Mom. I was lonely, though in reality I was never alone, I always had my little guy with me. I suffered from the baby blues, I wondered why I didn't feel and look like every other Mom grinning and just over the moon plastering pictures to show all over Facebook. I had no idea what I was doing, or how important the job I had been given really was. When he started growing, I would rush him. Rush him to stop breastfeeding, rush him to sit up, crawl, stand up, walk, getting off the bottle, talk. You name it and I rushed it! Damn, I was dumb. I look at pictures and videos and kick myself in the ass over and over again. What I would not give to have those moments back. My vow to this crazy, anxious, sweet, spoiled rotten little boy is to NEVER rush him again. He is his father's son and everything is on his terms and you know what, I am completely okay with that. So you know what, he'll wear diapers until he's ready, he'll sleep with his Daddy until he's ready to stop. Is this lazy parenting, the easy way out, sure you can look at it that way. Am I letting my child dictate to me? If you think so. But like I tell people, when you wipe his butt and kiss his boo-boos, then and only then can you tell me how to raise my kid.

So Mom, I have this infinite wisdom to share. You might have days that feel never ending, but the years fly by; sit down, relax and enjoy the ride and learn by my mistake and don't rush!