This Is Us.

Thanksgiving Eve brings back waves of memories for Kurt & I. Eight years ago, my best friend Michael and I found our way to the Brass Rail in hopes to run into one and only, Kurt Mundell. We sat and giggled as he played the bowling game across the room. Kurt & I flirted, the typical girl likes boy. At this point Kurt and I had our "first date" of Chinese food and we were beginning to spend more and more time together, yet I still had a lingering relationship that was long past its expiration date. That night while Michael and I stumbled out of the bar, Kurt came to say his goodbyes at my car, he grabbed my hand, leaned it and landed a big ol' kiss right smack on my lips. I was so shocked I did not even have a chance to kiss back. He gave me the ultimatum, he told me he was falling for me and he did not want to get hurt. He turned around and left. I on the other hand was still in shock (dumb girl, you knew that was coming). I got in the car stunned, Michael was like, "what just happened?" I cried. I could not imagine not having Kurt in my life and I think in that moment we became us. The day after my phone rang and there he was, my heart fluttered, I hadn't lost my chance and soon after that I found my strength and decided it was time to be happy.

A year after that, Kurt and I were off to downtown Annapolis to meet all of my dearest friends from high school and their significant others. Kurt and I were engaged and living together. I was stunningly happy, I remember curling my hair and taking a purple flower from off the table to wear behind my ear, I felt like I was in a dream. It feels like yesterday. That was when my closest friends got to meet my Kurt. Its been one of the most epic Thanksgiving Eve parties I had attended. I had no clue in the moment, but the memories I was making were our stories I will share with our children and one day grandchildren. That's the funny thing about life, you just go through the moments not realizing the story your creating.

The eve's after those have been somewhat of a blur. At one point we had a Friendsgiving at our house that was absolutely the best! We also fit some babies in those years and I might have worked one or two. Who knows, because after eight years of Thanksgiving Eve's together some things get looked over and moments get forgotten. It shames me to say, but the good news is I have the next eight to try and make up for it.

This time last year I was sitting in the same chair at the same table with Kurt baking bread and the kids running around and screaming. I would not have it any other way, this is us. If anyone else were to walk in this mix they'd probably last all of two minutes. It's loud, it's crazy and to be honest I loose my thoughts about a million times when writing this blog. We don't have a big family, heck it will only be the six of us this year again, but this is us. The kids won't even eat most the food served today, but they will be surrounded by love and hopefully on their way to making moments and memories that they may one day reflect upon. In all of my Thanksgivings, I have made my way around a few different tables, friends, boyfriends, different family members, each one different in their own ways, each one I am still thankful for. For me it doesn't matter where, as long as I have my screaming kids and Kurt's deep friend turkey, that's my Thanksgiving, This is us.

                                                             Thanksgiving 2014

                                                            Thanksgiving 2015

Be True to You.

Another semester down and I'm in the post ictal phase, which means I stare blankly at walls and have issues with the most basic functions. The truth is I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not running around franticly glued to my planner. Now that I'm sitting in traffic on the way to the beach I have alot of time to reflect on the fact that in two semesters I will be a nurse.

It's really easy to lose focus on the WHY of this journey. Instead of getting caught up in the grades, papers and GPAs of nursing school I have to go back to the fundamental reason why I chose this profession in the first place. Thankfully I am reminded of that every time I walk into work.

I step unto the unit eyes glazed over investigating the patient board. I'm assigned my six patients for the day, receive report, clean the vitals machine and embark on my twelve hour shift. Most days I'm lucky to squeeze in a 20 minute lunch break or a post coffee pee. By the end of the shift my brains are mush, my toes are numb and my back is aching. And I'm not even the nurse! So imagine how they feel.

My patients are the reason I love this job. Some are wonderful sharing with me the most intimate details of their accident. Some really just want what they need and send me packing, which is fine too. I'm just honored to take care of them and be a step along their recovery, even if they don't remember my name. My heart is full when I can brush and braid hair, wipe glass from bloody knuckles and just be present for those who are alone.

I pray that in the hussle and bussle of hospital nursing I remember these moments frozen in time engraved in my memory that will guide me throughout this journey. In the end these are the qualities that produce an excellent nurse and when I walk across that stage come May 19th I will hold them dear to me.

And of course I'll have my Kate's voice exclaiming, "B's get degrees" in back of my mind. 😉

Marvelous Mother's Day!

I have to admit this Mother's Day was by far the best yet. In one day I got to do almost everything I love. My girl and I slept in while the boys steady cooked away making Dad's traditional caramel pancake. After delicious breakfast I got to cuddle on the couch to watch My Little Pony while the boys went grocery shopping. We went to Karson's Mother's Day soccer game where I got to coach my boy and my team, now lovingly named Khaos. My brother and the kids surprised my mom at the game. She was over the moon to have both of her children with her on Mom's day, she can be easy to please sometimes. The kids were thrilled to be surprised with their cousins. Kurt made a delicious lunch and dessert, lemon meringue, my Mom and I's favorite. I retired to the couch to sleep off the fullness and one glass of wine I indulged in. We closed the night with my mom and I going to see Mother's Day the movie with nachos and cheese. All in all a wonderful day! Oh and my little gardeners surprised me with new flowers in my outside garden. They have green thumbs and lots of dirt underneath their nails!

Mother's Day came so fast this year. I've been so focused on getting through the last weeks of this semester it was here and gone before I knew it. I literally blinked and I have a 4 year old that will not stop talking, my baby potty trained herself and I am finished my first year of nursing school! What!?! Just goes to show when I say I have a year left and roll my eyes, people are right, it will be over before I know it. I have three short weeks off before I start OB and Peds at AAMC. I'm taking a little break from the city, (not really) I'll be there for class two days a week and my job on the weekends. This eight weeks will be insanity!!! But, I promptly decided we will be taking a little siesta at the beach for baby girl's 3rd birthday because then I only have 3 weeks off again and onto fall semester. Whew. I'm currently waiting for that "ah-ha" moment when I realize what kind of nursing I want to do. Right now, I know what I don't want, which helps a bit.

I'm currently brain dead...literally and awaiting my end of semester grades, which has me all out of whack. The faster I get them, the better so I can just breathe. One day in with no school and I find myself missing something. I came on the computer and Karson insisted I was doing homework, he also thinks because I am taking three weeks off I am no longer a nurse. Poor thing has a lot of faith in me, already calling me a nurse and telling other people too. When I am a wits end with this program, I hear his sweet voice so proud and carry on.

Baby girl straight up decided to tell me she had to pee one day and history was made. I tried to keep putting her in diapers for the convenience of travel for Grammy. She was not having it. I can't believe how easy it came to her. Just goes to show if you don't push kids when they aren't ready, they'll grow and advance when they are. Karson is such the talker, Kurt and I can't get a word in edge wise. He is always interrupting us when we have adult conversation and boy he is always listening. We are having to spell, it's just a matter of time before that doesn't work anymore either. Kurt has been working full time again, he seems to be much happier when he is busy. And wow are we busy. If I lost my planner, I'd be losing my head.

For all the things I've done in my life, Mom has always been the hardest and most rewarding. My heart just swells with love for these children.

The One & Only Kooper.

As I stand scrubbing the massive pile of poop at the sink from my daughter's favorite unicorn pants she proudly exclaims, "I had diarrhea in my pants." I ask her who she is talking to and she looks at me and says Buster cat of course. I peek around the corner and there was the cat, looking at me with such pity. She continues to stand there bottomless with poop completely covering her legs and chomping away at the bag of Mike & Ike's I had given her before the massive explosion was discovered. This child is priceless.

Earlier today was her first riding lesson. We have been talking about riding ponies since Christmas, maybe even before that. I told my mother let's wait until the weather breaks and then you can buy her pony lessons. Well I thought the weather had broke, oops. On a 30 degree windy April day Koop had her first riding lesson. 15 minutes for $15, Daddy's going to have to get a third job to afford this habit. Haha. She talked my ear off the whole ride to the farm. She went from talking about ponies to pickles and even a little nod to farts (you can tell she's a little sister to a rotten 4 year old brother) and an even more childish father. When we got to the farm she touched the Earth with her pink leather cowgirl boots and in that spot she fell in love. Her face was priceless. No camera in the world could capture that child's utter joy. We walked to the barn and met her pony Peanut. All the sudden the talkative little angel was completely quiet. She met the pony and went out to the ring to ride. We put her in the saddle and she knew exactly where to hold the saddle, she's a pro. She rode him the entire time, when it was time to get off she teared up. She relaxed when she got to feed him his treats.

We explored the rest of the farm and took some treats to the other horseys. One of the bigger horses thought Kooper had a treat for him and while she was petting him, he nipped her. I held my breath for the epic let down, but she looked at me puzzled. In that second I knew whatever my reaction would be could set the tone for her love of this animal. I smiled and said silly horsey, he thought you had a treat. She giggled and completely played it off. She amazes me with her laid back personality sometimes. In those moments I can completely see myself in her. Don't get it twisted little miss has a little dash of diva in her also. That's all Grandma. We left the barn, her with Gram and me on my way to school once again. It meant the world to me to be able to see her in her element.I feel like I miss so much going to school and working. I have to admit though, her love of horses is not from me. To be honest I have always kinda feared them. I think Peanut sensed it today, but Kooper was to over the moon to notice. If the love persists it's only matter of time I'll have to ride, to see what the fuss is all about.

After class I picked up the kids to find out Kooper is now biting people. I thought maybe it had to do with the horse, but it's been going on for a little while. It's typically love bites, except when her brother has her pinned, but hey can you blame her. She's pushing all the buttons and testing the waters like a typical 2.5er. Ohh and the tears. Some days I think she cries at least 50 % of the day. In between those tears she's laughing hysterically and making the most funniest of faces while ripping her pigtails out and getting as naked as possible, all while carrying multiple tiny horses or her my little ponies.

The countdown is on for the end of this semester. It has surely been a huge challenge to say the least. "B's get degrees" (Kate, 2015). Bahaha. You know you've been on a paper writing binge when you are citing your personal blog. Surprisingly the clinic portion has been the least stressful aspect. I finally get why all those nurses before me have made nursing school out to be the worst. I always thought how hard could it really be, it's just school. That's hysterical. I can't get over the amount of crap I have learned over the last 6 months and the fact that I have so much more to learn is honestly quite scary. If and when I survive this semester and the subsequent, then there's the real world with real patients I am responsible for. Oh lord, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. My happy self is content with taking vitals and watching the nurses do the real deal.

Until next time when I get a few minutes. Haha. Talk to you in August!

Had I Never Been a Mom.

I can honestly say not once have I ever thought of my life without my children. Where would I be, who would I be, how would I be? In all of the craziness these two little people have brought into my life there has never been a day where I don't thank God for them. Their world revolves around Kurt and myself right now, but I know this is only a phase. One day they will be grown and we'll be called to bail them out (hopefully not literally) and be the punching bag from all the world throws at them. I'm sure I will be nursing heartbreaks, sports injuries and university rejection letters. We will be the foundation for which these children grow and thrive into amazing adults. Talk about responsibility. I have a lot of accomplishments under my belt, and so many more to come, but as a mother I can say raising my children has been the most brilliantly bittersweet accomplishment of my life.

Time travel back to May 2011. Kurt and I had been trying to get pregnant. We weren't worried yet, but we began questioning if we were going to be able to have children. I decided to take our tax returns and go on an unplanned road trip to New Orleans. I was hormonally crazy of the thought that I might not ever become a mother, so let's go on vacation! Side note: As a young girl and teen I never really thought of myself as a motherly type, I had professional aspirations (as I still do) that trumped marriage and happily ever after. Back to the road trip, I remember it clear as day, we were at a gas station when I received a call from my mother who was visiting my brother, his wife and their children. They had exciting news to share, they were pregnant with their third child! I was dumbstruck and I couldn't formulate the right words. I was thrilled for them, but in that instant I realized their was a slight statistical probability that we would never be pregnant. I hung up the phone and began to cry, Kurt looked at me and promised that everything would be fine and we would have a baby too one day. In that moment I realized I wanted to be a mother more than anything.

We ended up in a dingy tavern on Bourbon Street when I came out of the bathroom to a clairvoyant that said she had a a vision when I walked past her and that I was pregnant. We laughed it off and came home with a funny story. Deep down though I prayed she was right. Weeks later and I was starting a new diet, my body was acting strange and my mother in her infinite wisdom told me, "you better take a pregnancy test". If I had a dollar for every time my mother thought I was pregnant I would be a millionaire by now. Well, obviously she was correct (I'll give her that one). Fast forward 20 weeks into the pregnancy and a day after our ultrasound that gave us quite the scare, I started to spontaneously bleed during my morning pee. I screamed for Kurt, who like always was making me something to eat, he came rushing in and in that second I broke down, I was having a miscarriage. The drive to to the hospital was the most terrifying 5 minutes of my life. I could still feel him moving around and I kept hoping this wasn't the last times I would ever feel this. I literally held my breath and looking back have no idea how I survived that day with the lack of oxygen we both had. When I heard his heartbeat on the monitor the relief I felt, the love I felt for this little baby, who in all honesty I had not yet really formed a bond with was alive and in that instant I became a mother. Momma bear was born and I've never looked back.

Here in the lies the point to all this reminiscing. My dear friends have been through hell and back in an effort to become parents. My heart breaks for every single person out there who wants to become a parent for all the right reasons and can not. I can't imagine the heartbreak they feel, but I can imagine the love they will share for their future children. I can imagine the utter joy of those first beautiful and fleeting moments, the sadness that comes from watching them grow to fast. This world can be a dark place, but children are our light, our hope for a better future. The eternal optimist in me believes this wholeheartedly. Some people are born to be parents, they have that special something from the beginning, my friend Lisa has this. I want this baby for them so badly I might have thought about giving them one of mine (haha). In all honesty, YOU have the ability to help them in becoming parents. If you are one, you know these emotions I am sharing with you, if you aren't one, well you came from somewhere and I can guarantee someone shares the same feelings about you. Please I am begging you to look at their Facebook page, click "like" and follow us in this remarkable journey. This is only a portion of their story and I know the best is yet to come! Let's make 2016 the year of baby!

https://www.facebook.com/lisaandmaryadoptionhopes/

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Costa Rican Crazy.

After being home for two days I am just now getting around to blogging. Costa Rica only has a one hour time difference, but a complete lifestyle 360, getting back into the USA hustle and bustle has been a bit of a challenge. Whew and just in time for the New Year. What a year it has been, I celebrated 40 in Cali and 60 in Costa Rica with my two bestest friends, the best part I didn't have to hit a milestone age. Although, both of my counter parts make those ages look pretty fabulous.

I have to say CR was my most relaxing vacation, a lot of down time to reflect and meditate. I attempted to disconnect and be present within the moment. Definitely something I am continuously trying to work on. The airplane rides were actually pretty awesome, first class does make all the difference and the warm nuts and wine...um yes please! We landed smoothly and had the ultimate hot flash. We went from a mere raining 60 to a sizzling 90. We shuttled to our car rental and I was happy when they were able to give me a hot spot since a GPS was not available. I literally would still be lost in a volcano if it had not been for that miracle of a hot spot. We managed to find our way to the villa and communicate veinte y nueve. Our view was breathtaking and so was the fact that we had no air! We ventured to the local grocery store where we quickly learned not all places will take US dollars and if they do your getting colones back. No worries, they take Visa. Hermosa is a quaint little town that has a mix of English speakers and not. Let's just say I was channeling my inner high school Spanish, especially when it came to ordering McDonald's (yes, you read that right) we flew to Central America and my mother still found a McDonald's.

I learned three value lessons: 1. Costa Rican people have beautiful souls. Among all of our journeys in the short time we were there, we never encountered a negative person. Smiling is absolutely contagious. 2. Plantains are the most underrated fruit in America, seriously. We rolled up on an authentic breakfast buffet on our way to the beach one day and I accidentally received this mush of something brown that sort of resembled some parts of bacon, wrong! It was better than bacon, dare I say. 3. You can take me to Central America and I will still be a forest girl over a beach girl. It doesn't matter where the sand is, I despise it. I still rather have giant bugs and monkey's possibly throw feces at me.

After our day of sunburing at la playa Hermosa, we spent the evening Netflixing romantic comedies and eating Ramen Noodles. I was proud of mom, she stayed up til 11! We slept in a tiny double, because it was the only room with the air that seemed to be working. At one point, Mom stated "Kurt and Craig would be so pissed to know we traveled to CR to Netflix." Hahaha. Good thing they'll never read this. The next day we decided to venture out to Arenal Volcano which was about a 3 hour drive, no biggie we decided, no worse than OC at home. Yeahhh ok. On our way there we drove on 1, which would be our equivalent to 95. No lines, no street signs, no lights and no freaking policia. We seriously watched a head on collision happen in front of our eyes. I was so scared on that road I didn't know if I was going to vomit or crap my pants. We eventually made it to The Springs resort and it was totally worth it. We soaked in the hot springs, had a wonderful lunch and ventured to the animal sanctuary, which was the most awesome animal experience I ever had! My mother who boycotts anything animal at home was even impressed. We made it home in the pitch dark with the hot spot and cell dying with 2% battery. Mom was in tears and I couldn't stop laughing.

The next day bright and early we were off to the sugar cane and jungle tour. I popped a Dramamine due to the bus and boat ride and boy was I out of it when it wore off. The plantation was 150 years old and iguanas came up to your feet when you were eating. Just a tad freaky, but still awesome. Glad I had sneakers on, didn't want to loose a toe. On the jungle tour we saw animals in the wild and was fed another scrumptious meal. All in all, CRs know how to eat!!! I can't believe a vacation that we've had on the calendar for almost two years has come and gone.

Every year I say the same thing..what a year, it was amazing, the best yet! It's not that we don't have challenges or hard times, but we push forward and learn the lessons that life has to offer. I enjoy the journey and laugh along the way. I don't make resolutions per say, but I do make a post it that simply says, LIVE!

Next up on the adventures of the Mundell's while I am on break, double potty training. Lord give me strength.