I can't believe I am writing this post. I remember specifically sitting and writing about the apprehension, nervousness and just plain doubt I had about starting this chapter of my life two years ago. And in just a few short months, a bunch of long 12 hours shifts and a couple night's staring at the computer screen writing research I will walk across that stage of the Hippodrome with a master's degree. I have literally daydreamed about this moment and every time I can't help but tear up. A reel of memories come flooding back to me like I am an innocent bystander watching the movie of my nursing school journey.
The first memory of sitting at a table surrounded by 9 or so other women ranging from the fresh out of college to a little more seasoned (this included me), feeling completely overwhelmed at medication calculation and the fact that I was the only person in the room that was lost in the sauce. PinkEagle made her late debut, the woman who blogged on allnurses the summer before and knew all there was to know about everything and had me thinking I hadn't been accepted! I remember looking at these women and thinking holy crap what have I gotten myself into. In that moment I had no clue that I was sitting at a table with what would become my partners in crime, my closest of friends and two of the reasons I am were I am today, Nat and Fad.
First forward a couple of months later and a incident involving a trash can, first nursing school breakdown. Really not a proud moment for me, I failed big time. I was failing school and felt like I was failing my children at home. Especially Karson who had an interestingly tough day. My darling Kate with her heart on her sleeve. I just wanted to punch something or kick, which I did, hence the trash can. She came running down the hall after me saying all the right things. That girl is a special one. Before I knew it we were holding her while she broke down, because let's face it real life doesn't stop during nursing school. In that first semester mix was a teary eyed study session where t-cells were the topic of conversation. Also the nicknaming of the secret ninja Fad who aced Patho like it was her job. Together we prayed as we all struggled to pass Fundamentals...yeah really.
Every semester we thought it will be easier this time around. Hah, damn were we naive. Next up was Adult Health, minus some of our dearest we lost along the way. Still grieving their absence we began our decent into the darkest hole of nursing school. I completely screwed up and I signed up late which meant I was away from my girls and on my own for clinicals. Boy, was that an experience. Those two groups of people at the site that shall remain nameless overcame hell. Many a days we spent in our professors office, begging for any clues as to how to survive. It came down to the final and we were sweating bullets.
Our summer included kids and babies. I wasn't especially happy, well because I wanted to be home with my kids soaking up the summer fun. Nat and Fad though found their passions and for that I was thrilled. Two of the most compassionate people I know. I can't fathom why they would ever want to take care of sick kids and babies, but I am surely relived knowing these amazing nurses exist and I get to call two of them my friends. That summer I saw babies born vaginally, which I envied and I got to hold a special newborn in which I helped name on Kurt's birthday. It was such a beautiful experience. I also got to relive my horrible experience with an emergency c-section in which I sat and held the grandmother while she cried in complete fear. It had a happy ending and so did the semester minus the group project that nearly crushed my spirit.
The fall came quick with only a few weeks off in between semesters. The girls and I were back together again for our psych clinical which included a ton of laughs and my own close to mental breakdown. Once again the girls talked me off the cliff and in a cosmic comeback I was able to pull off my A by one question on the final. I couldn't even celebrate, I was in complete denial. During this time the entire co-hort stirred over practicum placement and clinical scholar apps. We talked endlessly about it. We literally blinked and the entire semester was over.
Holiday break felt like the longest ever. I was chomping to get this last semester started.
I had my interview and I was offered clinical scholars on the unit where I have been working as a tech for the past year. I am thrilled. Honestly I had no clue where I would end up when nursing school was all said and done. I had no preconceived notions of "what kind of nurse" I wanted to be. I filled out an app to shock trauma on a complete wim, not thinking in a million years I would hear back. I fell in love with trauma patients and the people I came across daily. Sure, there's always challenges and every bit of trauma drama, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. My journey continues there.
Last Tuesday we all came together for our last first day of class. I was excited beyond words, but as I sat in the front row it all became surreal that before we know it, this journey will be complete. Of course we'll be relieved that the hard work is finally over, but how bittersweet is each tear, laugh and relationship we've had with each other and the patients we've interacted with. I am so proud beyond words of the women and men that I will graduate with on May 19. We have all grown in ways we didn't know possible and as we begin the next phase of nursing I know I will take every memory and struggle with me to provide the best care possible to everyone I encounter.
I thought I knew myself and then I went to nursing school.
Hell yeah ya'll we are so close!!! As this chapter comes to an end and I start to anxiously prepare for the NCLEX I know that I will take a moment of time to pat myself on the back for surviving and thriving this program. And I have each and everyone of you who read this to thank!!
