Breaking the Habit.

Addiction or "habits" are powerful evils and they don't discriminate. It's our fault our little boy is in the current predicament that has shaken our routine to the core and in the process has tested our sanity. The first step is to admit your faults right? Well here it goes, "I am an enabler".  This whole story starts about 14 months ago when two crazy lovebirds welcomed their bundle of joy into the world. We were happy, over the moon and completely freaking clueless! We had such a hard time with breastfeeding, Karson would fall asleep every time he went to feed, I didn't think anything of it. Well this resulted in him losing too much weight his first week of life. We fixed the problem, pressing a cold cloth against his face when he would fall asleep. Pretty much torturing him however we could to get him to eat. This progressed into "nursing down" a technical term for giving him the boob or bottle to go to bed. This method has not been an issue for us until now. We are told its time for Karson to give up the bottle. For most kids this would seem like a rather simple command, but the bottle is his comfort. He has never had a pacifier (minus the day the professional photographer came to our house for his newborn pictures), thank you Karson. He does not have a blanky or stuffed animal he goes to for nurturing or comfort either. The bottle is his vice and obviously ours too. He is addicted to milk; he would consume 32 oz a day if we would allow it. We have now begun the tedious process of fixing our mistakes and slowly weaning him off the bot. 

If you have seen the T.V. show Intervention, then you kind of know how the first night went. We sat him down and explained to him that the bot was destroying his life; it was taking over his relationships and turning him into a monster. Seriously though, it kinda is. Mind you this all started because he has been sick with diarrhea for the past week and the doc said no more milk until we kick this stomach bugs butt. So Tuesday night went a little something like this: We let him play well beyond bed time, about 9:45 he started the call, crying for milk and pointing out to the kitchen. We let this go on for about 45 minutes, crying, screaming, choking, throwing himself around on the bed as if he was possessed (if you don't believe us I have proof, this time I videotaped for all the non-believers). Finally, after our heads were aching and I was in tears we decided "cold turkey" wasn't gonna work for this kid. We gave him 2 oz of milk and 2 of water. He sipped for 5 minutes and was out. We nursed that bot all night long, every time he woke up crying for it. Nap time was another challenge, thankfully he played outside so hard the next day he fell asleep in his highchair eating. I got off easy that day. Last night I had to work and Kurt was horribly sick with the same stomach bug our loving son has had, so Karson went to Grammy's for a sleepover. He went down with a 2 oz bot, but at 2 am all hell broke loose when Karson woke up and would not go back to sleep in the pack and play, but wanted to sleep with Grammy in bed. This sag-ways into our next bad habit....

Co-sleeping. Or as I lovingly refer to it as cuddle bugging. Well Grammy don't play that game and she was not giving in. Karson proceeded to cry for 3 hrs straight until pure exhaustion took over and he passed out. I give my Mom major credit because I cannot do it, I don't have the will power. Hence the conundrum we are facing. In 3 months we are going to have another little bear that will need a place to sleep, a crib. Since Karson doesn't use his we have talked about getting a big boy bed, but before this happens we need to get him out of bed with us. I've read up on the topic and obviously "the crying out method" is not for us. I ordered a new book on Amazon today in hopes to gain some new insight and fix this issue and completely skip it for baby number two. It wasn't always this way; he slept in his crib until he was about 9 months old. He got his first illness and I was a sucker. In between Mom and Dad ever since. He starts out in his crib and an hour into dream land and he cries for us to come get him. Prior to having children co-sleeping was a no go, never! I understood the dangers of it, saw it firsthand. Then you become a member of the walking dead and you start to sing a different tune. When he was a real little guy I didn't feel comfortable, then he packed on the pounds and was able to roll around in bed and kick us to the side and hog the middle, I knew he was safe. Now it is just a matter of how long can we go on like this? I also didn't help matters by allowing nap time with Mommy every day. I work nights and sometimes that's the only way I can get some shut eye too. Now it’s festered into I am not allowed to leave the bed, or he wakes up. Needless to say, I have nap time everyday too, which is prefect now because I am pregnant and tired, but what the hell is gonna happen when I have two?!?!? 

I feel defeated, like a failure, I failed my child, but then I think about "parenting rules". Who is this all Supreme Being telling me I can't have my kid sleep with us, or drink a bottle until he is ready to give it up? Will these bad habits really hurt him in the long run? Sometimes I feel like society is rushing our little ones to grow up too soon. Isn't it bad enough little girls are dressing like their in their twenties and little boys have fouler language than a sailor. What if I want to embrace my baby, toddler, whatever you want to call him? Do these bad habits make life a little harder for us, sure some days, but for the most part I feel like we have a routine, a stride, it works for us. If I could go back in time to the two lovebirds 14 months ago, yes I would tell them when Karson has his first cold, don't bring him in bed and make him soothe himself to sleep, don't rely on the bottle. Then again, would I? I wouldn't have the same memories or feelings or possibly even bond that I have with Karson now. I have taken pride in living my life with no regrets and ya know what I'm proud of my boy. If I can look back years from now and say his worst habits were sleeping with Mom and Dad and drinking too much milk than I think I have been successful in parenting. 

So new Mom's & Dad's, Parents to be, Future love birds...don't fret it, you'll work it out. Parenting is a journey, not a destination. There will always be a new challenge, that’s what makes it fun, right?

  Little Devilish Grin

Giving Mom Her Glory.

What a morning. I hate when you go to eat something you had on your mind and your lovely partner has already had their fill of it. It wasn't really that I wanted the Special K, but more like it was the only thing left to eat in the house.We are in desperate need of doing some grocery shopping, but must wait until this afternoon because Daddy has the money. Mommy might have overspent this week with a much needed pedicure and manicure. Meanwhile, Karson is enjoying a special treat, Lucky Charms, boy is he my kid, he picked out the marshmallows and left the cereal to rot. I feel as though we made up for our unhealthy decisions by accompanying our breakfast with clementines. Sometimes being a parent is all about being resourceful. It’s almost like Survivor; we all gotta do what we gotta to survive.

Our home is dismal on food because we just got back from a weekend away. Instead of doing a traditional Easter we decided to hit the open road with Grammy and C-pops in the RV. It’s just what I needed to end my wonderful week off of work. The weather was wonderful Saturday and Karson got a lot of outside time. He has become obsessed with playing outside, don't you dare go out the door without taking him with you. Nuclear meltdown. Sunday was rainy so we stayed inside and watched movies. What a camping trip right? The original plan was to come home with Kurt on Sunday night and leave Karson with my Mom because we had to get to school and work Monday morning. Unfortunately, I had a bit of crazy momma hit and my anxiety about leaving him went through the roof. I never know when she is going to strike, but when she does oh lord. C-pops decided it was time for all of us to leave, the weather was nasty and we all had to get back to reality. I also think he knew how much I wanted my booger home with me. I don't know why I had anxiety; it’s not something I can describe. I know he is safe, I know they take incredible care of him. I just couldn't say goodbye and when I need my booger with me, I just need him. I would also like to partially blame my pregnancy hormones. It’s funny to think sometimes all I want is an hour to myself, and then when I get that hour I either spent it talking or thinking about Karson. Even my time spent at the nail salon is mostly conversation about him. I try really hard to not lose sight of who I am, ya know just me, minus family life, but the truth is this is me now. I am mom, I'll always be. This little boy has changed me and I would never want to go back to the way it was. Mother is in my definition now and it is the most important, hands down, and the hardest, but always most rewarding.   

Karson wanted me to tell everyone who hasn't heard: We are having a girl! We found out about two weeks ago at our 20 week sonogram. I had a little inkling and so did Kurt. The idea of a girl was tough at first, so many questions/opinions....then the idea grew on me. I heard horror stories about attitude and drama, tears and boyfriends. Ugh. I thought about when I was a child, I gave my mother nearly 100 heart attacks. She lovingly refers to me as her "wild child". Okay, so every child different, so is every parent. Thanks everyone for negative views on having a daughter (they have been scary as hell), but what about the good stuff? What about having your daughter as your best friend, being there when she becomes a wife and a Mom, watching her journey of becoming a woman? I never fully understood my Mom, I might never. We are a lot alike, but we differ enough. I do know now what being a Mother really means. I've watched her do it for years, maybe not flawlessly and certainly not effortlessly, but I respect her for the job she has done (which her children reflect is an amazing job, might I say) and the sacrifices she has made. I am so proud to be the daughter of the strongest women I know. I hope one day my daughter will be write the same thing. That's the true meaning of having a daughter. The road may be challenging, but the journey is worth it! So enough with you naysayers, we are thrilled to be having a baby girl. And enough about the perfect family, I want a third and you are not helping in convincing the husband. 

Karson is leaning in to give kisses now, he follows simple directions and answers yes or no. Where has my baby gone?

The Big Numero Uno & Number Two.

What an exhausting month February has been! Karson turned one on Feb. 8th. We had a medium sized soiree, which included monsters, pizza and a crowded kitchen. Wouldn't be a party with my family if we weren't all packed into the kitchen like sardines. Kurt absolutely loves it, and by loves it he scratches his head in awe how we can all get along in such close quarters. Most of the time I am holding my breath that we have a successful party and no one pissing anyone else off. Success, this time around! The day started early. I had all the decorations laid out the night before and had done the big cleaning chores and we were ready to go. Kurt's dad showed up early, as did my great aunt and uncle...this is usual. They entertained each other while Kurt hopped in the shower and I hurried along to get out of my stained sweatpants. With not a moment to spare, the party started. We opted for pizza this time around; to be honest we were still recuperating from Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am so glad we did pizza, easy clean up too! The monster decorations turned out good, I know next time to research the theme prior to making any purchases. Monsters are not the "in thing" these days, so I ended up making the majority of them, including the invitations. The cupcakes my mom got were ginormous. I hope they were yummy, I didn't even get a taste, and cake is not my thing. Obviously, it was not Karson's either, he wouldn't even touch it. Had it been vegetables he would have been all over it. Karson was spoiled with gifts and attention. He is a very loved little boy! Only regret from the day, I forgot to videotape.

Of course after the weekend celebrations Karson was due at the doctor for the annual shot fest. He always falls asleep for the shots; he wears himself out with worry and fear when the doctor is visiting that by the end he passes out. He woke up for his four big shots, a couple cries later and then we were informed he had to have blood drawn for lead levels. He just about broke my heart; I think the situation was exacerbated by my ragging second trimester hormones. It took a couple days, but he for the most part started acting like himself again. Until Saturday at 2:45 am when all hell broke loose. I was awakened by the exorcist baby, who was literally levitating off the bed, spinning in circles. He would not let us touch him and he was screaming like someone was stabbing him. We let it go on for about 20 minutes, we were in shock and clueless as to what the heck happened. Kurt couldn't take it and called the doctor, we knew that it was most likely constipation, he hadn't gone in a couple days and we were in the middle of switching from formula to milk. The doctor gave us instructions to pick up some supplies, neither of us wanting to leave Karson, we called on grammy to save the day (mind you, Kurt and I went out for a couple hours previously in the evening only to get a call from grammy saying Karson was not feeling well, right again for Grammy). She arrived packing a survival kit: enema, stool softner, glycerin suppositories. We started the hour’s long process of inducing poop. I won't get into the specifics, but let's just say it wasn't pretty. Finally, the magic happened and Karson was pooped. He passed out sitting up at about 4:45 am. We slept in the next day and everything seemed to be back on track. We were all anticipating the worst, doing everything to make sure it didn't happen again. We thought we were in the clear.

That was until this week when Karson started to develop signs of a cold. He was very lethargic and spent one night bundled up on the couch with his Dad. I knew right then and there something was wrong with my kid. The next night I went to work and my mother insisted on keeping Karson overnight. Kurt was exhausted from the last couple days of work so he gave in. My phone rang at 3 am that morning reporting Karson had a 102 degree fever. I called and woke up Kurt, who drove down the road to assist the situation. Once again the doctor was called, we were told to monitor the fever and bring him into the doctor's that morning. I left work late due to a co-worker who called out sick and barely made it to the doctor's. Report was Karson had a virus. Yay! No medications to treat except the Motrin we had been using. It was too late though I had gotten sick. Just when we thought it was safe Kurt got it and now grammy is starting. We are still recuperating.

Sunday, we quarantined ourselves home. Kurt and I noticed during lunch that Karson was in his highchair trying to number two. Poor thing was turning purple. We thought for sure there would be an after lunch surprise awaiting us, we were wrong. Would have lost that bet. Kurt was up in arms hoping that this would not turn into the events from last weekend. I decided we would go to the grocery store, let him play; see if he could work it out naturally. Well, dinner approached, same Karson, trying to go. It got to the point where he was crying and I knew we were in for it. I put in a call to grammy for backup. I knew I had to learn how to handle this sooner versus later. The poor baby had a poop blockage, literally. Several wipies, one glycerin suppository and a pee drenched Daddy later and the ordeal was over. Lesson learned: do not allow your child to consume a lot of corn. Karson had eaten so much his poop literally came out as corn on the cob. Ridiculous, we know. Those of you who know Kurt and I personally our lives revolve around shit, it is only appropriate that I share this story with you.

We are showing!

In all seriousness though, it’s tough to see your little one hurt, regardless of the cause. We are really hoping things start to turn around for Karson. It’s been a rough year one so far.  Hopefully, Karson will have a sense of humor like ours, it’s much easier to laugh than cry. We laugh a lot!

Just Another Day in Paradise.

Another month has flown by and all I have to show for it is a messy house, a bruised up baby, a tired husband and a baby bump. Sometimes I feel like life is flashing before my eyes and I don't have a minute to soak it up or enjoy it. I guess that is why I look forward to "rock a baby time" which is our term for rocking Karson to sleep. For just a short 20 minutes a day, well 40 because of nap time, I sit in absolute silence and reflect. I sit there and absorb the love I have for my child and for my life. For those short minutes I am not thinking about my to-do list: getting ready for Karson's first birthday, finally making it to the store to complete my shopping list, going to work, figuring out when I am going to study...it goes on and on, you get the point. Often I find myself talking out loud sharing hopes and dreams I have for Karson's future. Now that the hormone swings are in full effect I cry, I just sit in the dimly lit room and cry tears of pure joy. The kind of joy you only get when you look down at your sleeping child and think to yourself, "I never thought I could possess this sort of love for another person." And in the next thought I realize that in a few short months I will have another little person to share those feelings for.

This time around pregnancy has been much more relaxing, probably because I have plenty to keep me busy or maybe because I don't have the fear of the unknown. When I was pregnant the first time, every little pain I thought something was wrong. In the beginning of pregnancy number two I was a little nervous, there was some cause for concern, but now I am at ease, at peace. The only worry I have about having a second baby is thinking how can I love a second person as much as I do Karson? My mother, who had three children assures me that I will have enough love. I will love them the same amount, but differently because they will be different people and we will have different relationships. Which leads me to the much debated question do parent's have a favorite child? Obviously, I am the favorite. Haha! All I know is that Karson will always be my first child and we will always have a special bond from that. We share the first pains of labor and c-section, breastfeeding failures, sleepless nights, crying spells, poopy diapers, pure bliss and complete fear. I am excited that I will have a little knowledge going into this pregnancy and baby. Seems like having done this before Kurt is also at ease, which helps a lot.

We will be celebrating Karson's first birthday in a week. Our little baby is a big boy who is starting to walk. We can't believe how fast the year has gone. Watching Karson grow has been one the most beautiful journeys I have been apart of. Every day he grows leaps and bounds, making progress and impressing Mommy and Daddy. Its amazing to see how much Karson has learned. Every morning after I shower, I sit on the floor in front of him and blow dry my hair. The other day he went into the drawer, pulled out the blow dryer and went to plug the blow dryer in and turned it on. He saw me do this routine maybe three times and he was able to repeat me. It blew my mind. Of course we have plug protectors. You can see his little brain working in overdrive to absorb everything he can. After watching Kurt play the guitar a couple times, he now sits and strums the guitar every night with his father. We have our hands full. He is smart, but sometimes too smart! Kurt & I find ourselves saying NO! way more than we should for a baby who is only one year old. We are learning our way of re-directing and using positive reinforcement. This is when the real parenting starts....oh boy!

Goodbye 2012.

Another year has come and gone. I can't believe this time last year I was absolutely huge and about ready to burst. I look back at the pictures and cringe; I was so exhausted and ready to give birth. And now here we are, with another baby on the way and a extremely active 11 month old who keeps us on our tippy toes. December completely got away from me this year. I was so immersed in trying to finish my most challenging semester to date, consumed with celebrating birthdays and other family/friend festivities all while trying to keep my cookies down, literally. All in all I believe Karson's first Christmas was a success; I know it was very trying for both Kurt and myself. We really just went overboard with trying to be the best party hosts and attempting to make lasting memories for Karson. I believe we were successful and it was worth it to see our family together. Next year I promised Kurt not as much running around. This promise should be easy since my job won't allow me to have another Christmas off for three years. (Could be a blessing or a curse, depends how you look at it). Unfortunately, my first trimester pukes decided to hit me in the middle of the Christmas holiday. I wasn't able to partake in the annual food feast; I couldn't even stomach the majority of the smells. Kurt and I were surprised how fast it actually happened. Guess the oven was pre-heated still. We thought we would at least get through the holidays. The big man upstairs has different plans for the Mundell clan. Regardless, I put a smile on and we got through the holidays and I am counting down the days until the second trimester. (And for those of you who are thinking, I hate to tell her but she might be sick the entire pregnancy, curse you)! Karson wouldn't mind, he thinks the sound I make while getting sick is absolutely hysterical. Glad someone is smiling. Minus the sickness, we are ecstatic to be adding another little monster to the family. What a wild ride this is gonna be. 

When we found out this time we were pregnant, it was after taking about four tests. Kurt swore up and down I was pregnant. I didn't believe it, things hadn't gotten back on schedule and I could have just been late. So I decided to take a test, and then another and another. All came back negative and I kept telling Kurt, "I told you so, you don't know what you are talking about." At the same time I was battling a mysterious fat bulge that had taken residence on my abdomen. My pants were tighter and my skinny jeans were not looking skinny. Even my wonderful mother told me on numerous occasions, "tuck your pooch in, your fat is hanging over your pants." One morning, Karson woke me up by doing his usual pushups on my stomach, except this time he missed and 22 lbs landed directly onto my chest, I just about died and did everything to fight my reflexes of throwing him off of me. Okay, by this time maybe I was thinking I might be pregnant. It was just too early to tell. Finally, I stopped buying the tests and decided to let time take its course. I waited about a week and on a Friday evening I decided to try it again, it was positive and I was still sort of shocked. I walked out of the bathroom and the boys were sitting in the bed, Karson immediately smiled, he must have known (or he was just smiling because I came out of the door, he loves when people come out of doors or showers). 

The next day I was scheming of a way to tell my mom. I was so freaked out when I found out I was pregnant with Karson I called her right away on the phone and screamed I was pregnant. She was the one who said I was in the first place and that I should take a test. Mother knows best. This time around, she had her suspicions; I couldn't hide the belly bulge. Karson and I went shopping with my close friends Saturday morning and I was on the hunt for a big brother shirt. I dragged the girls and Karson all around the mall on this mission, except I didn't want to tell them what I was looking for; I wanted to surprise them too. Finally we made it into Old Navy and there was our needle in a haystack. I learned that they don't have big brother shirts in Karson's size. Guess not enough people are crazy to have kids that close in age. Regardless, I held up the girls to show the shirt and both of them just looked at me. Blank. Eventually with a little explanation they got it. That night we had plans for a work Christmas party and decided to drop Karson off to my mom's with his new shirt on. After about ten minutes of her fluttering around, she came into the living room and without hesitation wanted to know why Karson did not have his bib on (this kid STILL drools like crazy). She got it pretty fast, C-pops though took a long time. We shared the news with our immediate family and decided to sit on it to share with everyone for a bit longer. 

Of course we had to have a scary moment (wouldn't be us if not). One night I was getting dressed for work, the boys were sleeping. I went to the bathroom and when I got up there was blood, not a lot but enough to be scared. I woke Kurt up and told him, I knew it wasn't good. Kurt was surprisingly very calm. I went to work that night scared to death that the worst was happening. I of course googled too much information and completely freaked myself out. I made it through the night, no more blood. I had cramping, which was new to me, but it eventually subsided. We made it to the doctor and got the confirmation. She ordered a sonogram to check on the status. As of 12/20 we saw our baby and heard his/her heartbeat. It was a completely different sensation than Karson. With him I had no idea what I was getting myself into, I felt no connection as a mother. This time I know what it feels like to be a mom, the most challenging and rewarding experience in life. I fell in love in that moment with a baby who was no bigger than one centimeter and that love grows every day. 219 days to go, but who is counting?

I don't normally make New Year resolutions, but last year I made a a plan to make this blog and continue with it throughout the year. Success! Karson's resolution is to sleep in his crib by himself. My resolution is to not give into him. I need strength and the grace of God. Lord help us all. Cheers to another year of learning and growing. 

Cheese Face!

Family Forever.

I can't believe it has already been a month since I last wrote. Now that Karson is on the move- the time is really flying by and so is he, flash baby. Within the last month we celebrated Karson's first Halloween, which was a success minus having his first cold and losing a sock on his golf cart ride (no worries it later emerged in the driveway). We all survived our first Hurricane together. We only lost power for 45 minutes, just long enough to take a good nap. Daddy has been working some overtime and I have been busy with trying to pass my classes this semester. Karson has been the busiest, learning how to crawl overnight, pulling himself up on everything, eating his first solids and just being a big ol' ham. At his 9 month checkup he was weighing in at 21 lbs and 29 inches, no wonder my hip is killing me. What a joy this little boy has become, he has a smile on his face just about all the time. Now that he is mobile all sorts of new worries have entered the game.

About a week ago we were cleaning up dinner and Karson and I had escaped to the bedroom for some post dinner cartoons and folding clothes. I stepped out of the bedroom for two seconds and I hear a crash. I screamed, Kurt came running and there was Karson lying on his back on the floor next to my four story storage container where I keep my hair and makeup essentials. Granted the majority of it was plastic, it still scared the crap out of me. The rest of the night I felt guilty for being negligent and underestimating his ability to get into things. After the guilt wore off,  it was time to prepare. We went to Ikea, bought a new storage container and screwed that booger to the wall. Today, we will be securing the rest of the dangers in this house. You just never know what kids will get into to. He usually gets into anything you don't want him to, like the nightlights in the outlets, the carbon monoxide detector, any drawer within reach, the glass behind the bar. He'll find anything on the ground, dimes, earring backs I've lost. In that regards he can be very helpful! I say, "Karson, no-no!" about 50 times a day and I know it is only going to get worse as he grows. We can't get lazy though, we know it will only make for a poorly behaved child in the future (I'll be damned he acts like a fool).

Yesterday, Karson decided to test my reflexes. I had him on the changing table and I was about five steps from him grabbing his shirt out of the closest. In about two seconds he had rolled over and was falling in mid-air, I literally slid on the carpet and caught him. He thought it was absolutely hysterical and my heart was racing in my throat. This child is fearless, he loves crawling to the edge of the bed, acting like Houdini and escaping the shopping carts and highchairs. I really don't know when I am going to grasp the concept that this child is on the move and fast. He will be my boo-boo child, seeing how everyday he earns a new scratch or cut. Most we can't even account for the incident. He keeps us all on our toes!

We celebrated Karson's First Thanksgiving at my mother's house. We had the entire family over, about 25 people. We have not had a turkey day like that is about 13 years, pretty much since my grandmother had passed away. She was Thanksgiving! I was a little melancholy about the holiday this year, but I knew we had to make new memories for spud and the other little ones. Kurt worked his tail off and cooked two turkeys, one deep fried and one oven baked. They were delicious! Everyone pitched in on the other yummy's and it was fantastic. We didn't have any leftovers, which could be a good thing. Karson tried mashed and sweet potatoes, they were a hit. We played card games, and reminisced about the old days, especially my Aunt's alien encounter (yes, you read that right, and its true!) The day was memorable and hopefully Karson will to have fond family memories that last him a lifetime. We want him to grow knowing that family is forever!

We started decorating for Christmas yesterday, the warm weather outside was totally throwing me off. We put up the tree today and realized every year Kurt and I debate about how the thing should be put together. Its only three pieces, you would think after three years we would get the hang of it. At this point its tradition. Karson decided to help by taking the tree stand hostage. He is a strong little spud. I had the camera handy, and snapped a few "in the Christmas tree box" shots. I've never been much on Christmas since being an adult, but this year I am giddy with excitement. Even though he has no clue what it all means yet, I want him to have those photos to look back on like I do. I just hope that he appreciates all the stress and craziness we have to go through to make the holidays memorable. I must admit even Daddy, who tends to be a little bit of a grinch is enthusiastic and ready to put up a good fight over the "Santa cookies". I'm so very thankful that my holiday off at work this year is Christmas. I do not look forward to the one's where I will have to spend away from my family. Such is life. I have some shopping to do! I think spud & I will venture out sometime this week and pick up some things for Dad. Then Kurt and I have spud shopping to do, nothing over board because I am sure he will be spoiled rotten like always.

What a wonderful start to the holiday! We will be sending our Christmas cards out soon, featuring the one and only spud who decided to act like a baby model at his Sears photo session. The pictures turned out so good that we were suckered into buying the entire CD. Not in the budget, but a exception had to be made. Good luck gearing up for your family Christmas!

Scaredy Cat

I thought the title was appropriate for this time year, which also happens to my absolute favorite holiday! October has been filled with fun stuff every weekend; we have been running in circles. Karson loves it! He is a busier boy these days and most of the time he much rather be out running around on the town than be stuck at home. Last weekend we started our holiday off with a big bang. Mom, C-Pops, Kurt, myself and Karson traveled to P.A. for our first RV trip. Thank You Grammy & C-Pops. Karson loved every minute of it. He enjoyed the people watching, he rode a hayride, handed out candy to trick or treaters. He wasn't scared of any of the costumes! I knew he wouldn't be, he enjoyed the life size creepies in the Halloween Spirit store. I decided to give in and spend a fortune on a group Halloween costume for my Mom, Kurt, Karson & I. I won't spill the surprise just yet, but I will be sure to post a photo. We have two parties to attend this weekend, the first my little cousin Ryan is turning 18 and then Kurt & I have an adult party for a wonderful friend. We just have to get through Friday, which is the worst (Chemistry lab and then I dedicate the rest of the day for doing the insane amount of work that we receive). 

Next weekend is Kurt & I's second wedding anniversary. We are traveling to Cumberland for a murder mystery dinner and train ride. Grammy will have Karson yet again. We are very excited to have some Mommy & Daddy time, we try to have it at least once a month, sometimes everyday life gets in the way, but its important to remember that without Kurt and the love I have for him, there would be no Karson. I adore both of my boys. I can't believe how fast the last two years have gone, we have been very busy! There is never a dull moment with Kurt and I love it. I am so proud to call him my husband, and so very blessed to have him in my life and to have him be the father of my child. I could not have picked a better man for the job. God broke the mold when he created Kurt. I only hope that Karson will be just as good as a man, he does have an excellent role model. I love this crazy ride we're on, I have the best line buddy ever and every so often we are that sappy pda couple. You know the type.

I found another interesting article on babycenter, (I'm telling you I maybe go on the website twice a month and every time I find information that either intrigues me or pisses me off). The article was titled, "Forty-two things that change when you have a baby." It should have been titled, "Everything changes when you have a baby!" That's the truth! Either way number two was the one that struck a nerve, "Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid."  Preach on! Throughout this whole journey I have been pretty relaxed, I would be the laid back counterpart of our production. Even when I was being wheeled to the OR for my emergency c-section I had this eerily calm presence. I knew deep down in my gut that everything would be okay. I have angels and I felt their presence that day for sure. When we brought Karson home, we were clueless, but I was never afraid. I didn't have to keep vigil by his crib every night. I knew he wasn't going to stop breathing. When he was teething and crying so hard he would turn purple, I knew we were going to survive this too. I must say I have been remarkably brave. I can't take the credit, because I know a couple people above are working their magic.  Sure, with every passing day I can feel myself getting older, I'm banking on the fact I will be gray by the time I am 30. The true reason why I don't give into my fear is because if I did, I would put Karson in a bubble and lock the doors forever. I have never truly experienced true gut-wrenching heart throbbing fear until I became a parent. I watch stories on T.V. about kids going missing and I feel like I could barf. I grab Karson and squeeze him. I hear about a family whose child died when I am at work, and it takes everything in my power to not grab my keys and fly home to Karson. I see sick children on commercials and I feel my stomach flip. All of these are my greatest fears, sure I might not openly say, "I'm scared, but I am literally shaking in my shoes." I know I can't live my life in fear, that statement reassures me and is the only thing sometimes that keeps me sane. 

My counterpart Kurt has been more open about the fear and anxiety that being a parent has brought on. The other night while I was at work Kurt was watching in the monitor and noticed Karson had rolled over onto his belly (his new favorite sleeping position) except he had his face down on the mattress. At first Kurt just went in to make sure he could breathe. When he reached in and it was not obvious Kurt flipped and grabbed Karson up out of bed and began to attempt to arouse him. Karson slowly looked up at his father and I am sure gave him a dirty look for waking him up. I received a frantic call that had me doing everything I could think of to calm Kurt down. I thought we had Kurt's panic licked. Unfortunately, Monday night while we were all laying around watching The Voice, Karson started making weird breathing sounds when he was falling asleep in my arms. I panicked and before I could do anything, Kurt had grabbed Karson and began to pound on his back. Karson woke up and was smiling. (The little turd smiles when he coughs, he loves seeing us flip out). I was trying to monitor his breathing, but my heart was pounding so hard, my hands were shaking. I knew that he was breathing and this incident did not warrant 911, I called my Mom and told her to come over asap. C-Pops and her were here in a minute. They undressed him and played with him. My Mom listened to his heart and lungs with our first aid stethoscope. His Grammy prognosis was great. We chalked the sounds up to him having some milk left in his throat after falling asleep. The next morning I called the doctor to be sure, he has been pulling at his right ear lately too, so I thought I would kill two birds with one stone. Just as I expected Karson was perfect, the doctor even said so. A lot of wax for a little one, but no other concerns. I told the doctor about the incident with Kurt and she said I had brought the wrong boy in to see the doctor, like we had suspected Kurt has some serious anxiety issues. We are trying to tackle them without medications, but no matter what it needs to be controlled. I thought my fear was bad, Kurt's fear NEVER takes a break. I couldn't imagine that. I would be nutty. Our challenge is to overcome our daily anxieties to enjoy life. Like anything thrown our way, we are going to overcome it. We are Mundell’s after all!

I will leave you all with this little token, don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. Life is scary, being a parent is terrifying, but it is worth every minute of it. C'mon look at that smile!