If I Had Known Then...

Several times throughout the day I find myself thinking "If I had known then what I know now". The reason this blog is called one clueless girl is because 19 months ago I was just that, absolutely clueless how to be a Mom. I was clueless how I felt being pregnant, it was not all butterflies and hearts, I was clueless how my life would change, I didn't know I would not sleep next to my husband for the next 2 years, I was clueless how to do the little things like bathe a baby. Over the last 19 months I learned, it wasn't easy, but like I always say we all survived. We are all better for it and it has helped me adjust to my life as a mother of two! Those sleepless nights when I just want to run out the front door screaming I remember that just a few months ago I was rocking Karson as he was screaming his head off. In a few months I will be chasing Kooper around and constantly correcting her. Life is flying by, it doesn't seem like it when you are sleep deprived and ready to be on a kid free vacation, but when you look back it all seems like a distant memory. 

Our daily lives with two hasn't changed much. The biggest hurdle is getting both kids down for nap when I am by myself. Since Karson still has horrible sleeping habits (which we can only blame ourselves for), I have to lay down with him for the first 15 minutes until he is sound asleep. I creep out like I am in the Temple of Doom, Indy style. That is only if little miss decides to stay quiet enough for my light sleeper to pass out. I've tried nap times in the same room, which was a nightmare. Some days I literally let him play until he drops! The other day I was nursing Koop on our Perry the Platypus beanbag and he crawled up in my lap, I looked down and he was out! I gently put the baby in her bouncer, and by the grace of God they were both passed out. I was in the most uncomfortable position, the sunlight was coming into the window burning my eyes out, the air conditioner was blowing right on me and reruns of Mickey were on, the clickers were far out of reach, but I did not care I was not moving a damn muscle! I eventually passed out; we all woke up two hours later sweaty and completely out of it. It was perfect memory and I will remember it always, even when they are screaming they hate me. Night time in the Mundell house: Dad sleeps with Karson, I fight Koop to go down and eventually land in my bed only to be woken up for night time feedings. Kurt sneaks out every once in awhile, but Karson always comes back out to get his Daddy. It is not the ideal situation, but it works for us....for now. That is until I have to go back to work on night shift, then a whole new can of worms will be opened. I don't know how Kurt is going to do it, I figure Grammy will be making her appearance pretty often. Once again I know we will survive!

We recently decided to put Karson in gym classes. He needs the one on one attention from me, he also needs to be around kids his own age. I hope with him being surrounded by kids his language skills will improve. Our pediatrician said we should not be worried just yet because he understands commands and points at what he wants. It just drives me crazy because I know he can do it! He has let out a couple slip ups out, like good job Dada and I love you Mommy. I try not to compare his level skill with others his age, but it is hard not to. Kurt keeps reassuring me he did not start talking until he was 2, well if you know Kurt you know he never shuts up, so if he is right I guess we know what to expect. I know he will do it when he is damn well ready; he also has his father's stubbornness. He was a little lacking on all of his milestones, rolling over, crawling, walking and now talking. Other parents have told me to embrace the silence because when he starts he will never stop. I would be okay with that if he did not whine in the place of talking. I know what he wants and what he is saying without him talking, I bet that does not help his desire to talk. Hopefully by the next blog he will have made some progress. 

Hey there readers!

Double the Trouble. Double the Fun.

Our little miss has graced us with her presence; Kooper Eileen was born August 2nd at 2:15 pm, 8 lbs. 15 oz. The whole process has been a complete whirlwind. My pregnancy was amazing, the c-section went well and my recovery has been speedy and remotely pain free. She has already been with us for almost 3 weeks. I look at her and I can't believe that Karson was ever that small. The moment she was pulled from me and Kurt was able to see her he said, "I'm so sorry babe." I was freaking out, what the hell did he mean? I could hear her crying so I knew she was okay. Kurt smiled and said, "She looks just like me." Once again I carried the child, gave birth and all the jazz and the stinking kid looks exactly like a Mundell. I couldn't believe the resemblance; she looked like little baby Karson. She may look like him, but their personalities are night and day. She is so chill, laid back and just a pleasure to be around. I nicknamed her right, she is my little hippie chick. 

The day of the c-section I was pushed back several times. By 3:30 the whole not eating eight hours prior to surgery was like cruel and unusual punishment. Finally, the nurse concluded August 1st would not be her birthday. I guess all the babies were trying to win a pool or something. So, we decided to try it all over again the next day. Thankfully a lady who was scheduled Friday dropped early to make me a spot. Thank you mystery lady! I sent Kurt to work because I knew if he stayed home another day, it would not happen again (plus to be honest with you all, he was working my last nerve!) We went over to my mom's to hang out and take our minds off it. I called at 10:30 and by the grace of God we were on schedule. I then hurried up to tell Kurt get home, we are having a baby. The nurse on the phone said that we could be pushed back once we got there, so I still did not get my hopes up. When we got to the hospital they were still so packed there was no room at in the inn. I had my pre-op work done in the triage room. My doctor dropped in to tell us she was going to have lunch and then we were going to have a baby! 

The procedure itself went easy. The epidural was not as bad as I had remembered from the first time. This time both of my legs were numb. Score! My nerves were pretty good until Kurt came in and I knew it was show time. I had this horrible pain in my ears, and I could hear the doctor's talking about Disney Cruise Lines. I'm lying there cut open and they are talking about vacation, pretty routine for them. I overheard the doctor say to the intern, her babies are big, no wonder she has c-sections. That was reassuring. At this point I still regretted not giving a vaginal birth another try. 2:15 came and there she was crying her head off, Kurt pointed out she had the same high pitched cry Karson had. Kurt was able to hold her right away and I was able to see her and kiss her. This was huge considering I did not see Karson for almost 4 hours after his c-section. I was pleasantly surprised. I laid there on the table for what seemed like forever getting put back together. When it was over, they handed me her and we were rolled back to our triage home. My mom was in the room the entire time praying and when we rolled through the door she was shocked to see I had the baby in my arms. I'm sure for many of you moms, you are like so, what's the big deal? For us this process was completely different from Karson and that is all we had to go off of. I was able to nurse her right away and do skin to skin. Up until this point I have to be honest I was dreading breastfeeding again. I really think it is the hardest part of having a newborn! Well Kooper was hungryyyy and she had no problem showing me how it was done. She latched on and that was it. A huge sigh of relief for all parties! 

The next few days flew by, we had so many visitors. By Saturday afternoon I was up and out of bed. I was on very little pain medication and actually feeling pretty damn good. We were ready to go home as soon as possible. Monday they discharged us so fast that when Kurt came back from the car we were waiting at the door. They wanted us out! Its been wonderful to be home. Karson was happy to have us back and Grammy and C-pops were pooped. The first days home with Kurt were easy-peasy, then the real work started for this momma. The hardest part of having them both is coordinating schedules. Karson has to have us lay with him to fall asleep, usually not a problem except when you have a baby beast in the other room screaming her head off because she wants the booby! Of course, Karson is a light sleeper and has to go check on her when she cries. Then he cries when I put him down to pick her up. I don't think Kurt and I were thinking very clear when we decided to have two babies at one time. Karson is a big boy, but he is STILL a baby. The diapers are ungodly, I can't keep the wipes stocked, our washing machine and dishwasher have not stopped since we brought her home. I am literally among the walking dead when it comes to sleep. We have started implementing bottles of breast milk and crib time in an effort to remedy the bad habits we had formed with Karson. I am so focused on getting her on a somewhat fixed schedule I feel serious mom guilt when I give in and do "bad things" in order to get some peace. I haven't left the house in days and Karson is hanging from the ceiling. Meanwhile as long as she is fed, Koop is chilling. Thank Jesus for my easy baby! 

For those who said two is harder than one, you are right when it comes to putting in the extra work. As far as the emotions go, I am in a much happier stable place. I am enjoying every minute of this, because I know in the blink of an eye my baby will be 18 months old and letting go of my hand to walk down the steps. We are all adjusting really well to our newest addition. Here's to living our happily ever after!

Photo by Britney Clause Photography

The Final Countdown.

Whew...this is my third and final attempt at writing this blog. My loving son is addicted to anything with buttons or a computer screen so trying to write at home is well pretty much worthless. Plus the fact that I can never finish a full thought without him tugging on my leg, attempting to climb something or just down right throwing a tantrum. Ahhh toddlers, gotta love 'em. I thought the first year was challenging. If I only knew then what I know now!

Recently, my Facebook pictures have consisted of a wide array of Karson boo-boos. We have hit that age where he looks like he could be the leader of baby fight club. 4th of July he decided to take a tumble down concrete stairs at our friends house. He landed directly on the side of his face, his father attempted to catch him. He helped ease the blow. It all happened so fast I didn't even know what happened. I was kinda out of it from working the night prior. We were all sitting, chilling on the water, enjoying the freakishly awesome breeze. I got out of my comfortable lounge chair to get a diaper. Karson went to go after me, the next thing I turn around and Kurt has Karson by his hand like a rag doll. After some tears, Karson peeked up out of his father's shoulder and his face was all bloody by his eye. I definitely did not think it was that bad. I felt so bad and honestly did not even know where to start to remedy the boo-boo. Our wonderful friend was on it, she supplied a rag with water and peroxide, Neosporin and an ice pack. Karson would not go near her after that, he knew she was a doctor, even without the lab coat! He shook it off, ate some Popsicle and fruit snacks and before we left he was on those damn steps again!!! That morning he woke up for a diaper change at about 3 am, his eye was completely swollen shut and bruised beyond belief. I fumbled for the flashlight to get a good peek. Boy was it a mess. Within a week he was completely healed. Of course we had our family maternity photo shoot two days after this incident. Thank God the photographer was on top of editing! In the end we have a great story and once again we survived. On top of that a couple nights later Karson was doing a hula dance in the kitchen, lost his footing and went face down hitting the floor. That night he tore his frenulum and bleed ridiculously. This kid!

We are in the home stretch to welcome our little hippie chick. We survived our hectic, crazy, ridiculous summer. This past week in itself was enough to make someone go mad, of course the heat wave as been lovely timing. Kurt and I celebrated our birthdays. Wednesday, I woke up to homemade french toast, balloons and presents, followed by a wonderful mid morning nap, a fast last day of class, an awesome dinner and in bed by 10. Perfect! Thursday, my fourth and final exams, plus a staff meeting and evaluation before maternity leave starts. Friday, I literally stayed in my pj's all day in the air conditioning, my car did not even leave the driveway! Karson and I both needed a day like that. Today, I woke up to find out that I got an A in my last science pre-requisite course. Huge sigh of relief. We all worked so hard and sacrificed these last 8 weeks. I could not have done it without my support system! We were all spent. Next step, here I come P.A. school applications!!! Thankfully, that won't be for another couple of semesters. Whew.

I was pleasantly surprised by a baby shower today. I can't believe my Mom and Kurt were able to keep it quiet. I had some suspicions early on, but I just figured there's no way, we are literally running out of time! I told my mom I did not want one, I just know how stressful party planning can be and to be honest we already had so much going on. They slid it in, with only a week and a half to spare. I really enjoyed myself, and was happy with everyone who could make it. We were spoiled rotten yet again. My family and I are so blessed to have such special and genuine people in our lives! I must admit the shower did put a little fire in my step, my excitement level is at its all time high. I adored all the girlie clothes, tutus and hair stuff. This is going to be fun!!! I have some nesting to do, which will help pass the time until August 1st arrives. I also want to spend every minute possible with my bubby. I can't believe I will be a mother of two. This time around my nerves and anxiety has been minimal. I have thoroughly enjoyed this pregnancy. Its going to be so different now that I how to be a Mom to a newborn. I really think Kurt and I both are excited this time around because we know what to expect, well we are a little less clueless. We are also looking forward to having Karson meet his baby sister. This is going to be interesting!

I am still hoping that she comes a little early so we can attempt a natural childbirth. I know my mother and Kurt worry themselves sick about it. They have some serious post traumatic stress from Karson's birth. C-sections are serious though, the recuperation blows, I can't imagine having to chase a toddler while in that kind of pain. I am also a little selfish in the fact that I really want to experience the natural way. Really the only thing that matters is that we have a healthy little girl. If that means another c-section, que sera sera. Let's keep our fingers crossed though!

Nesting Like a Pro.

I decided to really buckle down and try to write regularly. I feel awful because I have not done any of the things I did with my first pregnancy. I didn't keep a journal, video documentary; I didn't even take pictures of my belly. To be honest we were so wrapped up with Karson and everyday life that most days we would forget I was pregnant. No excuses, I am sure years from now I will get the "Mom, why didn't you do those things for me?" I will have one word for her, exhaustion. To be honest I have been lacking in the video/picture department for Karson lately too. It doesn't help he never stays still long enough to actually take his photo and most times with the video camera he wants to hold it. We haven't even tried to take him back to get his professional photos taken. Ahh, the joys of parenting, you would think after all the things you do for them, all they could do in return is take a decent picture! 

Yesterday, I decided enough was enough. I broke out the flip camera and I took some video of Karson's baby room and the empty soon to be nursery, for a little "before action." It took us long enough, but Kurt and I are finally starting to nest for the sequel. It’s so bitter sweet our little baby is turning into a slightly older big boy and our family is growing from three to four! I am getting excited for our new arrival, but with it brings such emotions, none like I have ever had. I worry about Karson and his jealousy (at this point he doesn't even like when I hug Kurt). I worry that he will hurt his sister, he is such a bruiser! We lovingly call him Bam Bam. I worry that we will all loose our ever loving minds with two children! Then, on the other hand I can't wait to see Karson with his sister, I can't wait to have a little baby again (this time I will know what the hell I am doing, hopefully) and I can't wait to sit down as a family and embrace our tiny miracles. Two months and all the emotion will be wrapped up into one second when she is in my arms and once again I become a Mom, my light switch moment, my glow. 

After putting off all work for as long as possible, I finally convinced Kurt it was time to get the room ready. Actually I lie; he came to his own conclusion, which works for me. Karson, Kurt, Grammy and I crammed into C-pops truck and we took the long journey to Ikea. I had a list in my head what we needed and of course some stuff that I wanted. Grammy was there to be my back up and run ideas off of. Let's face it Kurt is awesome, but when it comes to Ikea I can get a little wild and need someone else who gets as excited as me! We ended up getting Karson his big boy bed, which was on sale for only $100! Score. We also purchased a book shelf, wall shelves and a closest organizer, along with some other fun stuff! We headed out to da po yesterday and got the paint. Today, Daddy is painting the room, tomorrow is furniture day and we should have two cool new kids’ rooms by the weekend. I suspect I will be sleeping alone; Kurt has already planned on a big boy sleepover in Karson's room. I am not gonna lie if I wasn't so heavy and uncomfortable I would sleep in there too. His bed is awesome! 

I am scheduled for my c-section on Aug. 1st. Less than two months away! I was really hoping that I could do things naturally this time, but I don't want to be a hard head about it. The most important thing is that she is healthy. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact I will never have a baby naturally. I know it sounds completely self absorbed and I know there are women who would give anything just to have a child. I should count my blessings and just move on, I just can't get over being told I can't do something, it’s a strength, really it is. I guess all hope is not lost quite yet. I made a deal with my doctor and Kurt that if she decides to come early we will try natural, until decided otherwise. Doctor said it might work since we don't know why I had to have a c-section with Karson. Hopefully the l & d part will be as easy as the pregnancy has been. Karson's journey was one speed bump after another, at this point 31 weeks I was a beached whale waiting to explode. This time around I still have energy, I am sleeping comfortably, I am just getting the job done. I am kinda sad to have the pregnancy part almost over; I never thought I would hear myself say that. Boy, how different things are the second time around. 

We have a lot of changes headed our way. It will be interesting to see how we all adjust and come out on the other side. 

Life in the Fast Lane.

In less than three months we will have a new addition to our already hectic life. I can't even begin to imagine how much change and adjusting we will all have to do. I am exhausted thinking about it, but over the moon too! This pregnancy has flown by, some days I totally forget I am even pregnant, (hard to believe I am saying that). I guess that is what happens when you have a child that keeps you constantly busy and on your toes. I'll tell you this, if every pregnancy was as enjoyable as this one, the Duggars might have some competition. Hah! 

I have definitely had some help keeping my mind busy. I just finished Anatomy & Physiology I. Absolutely loved the class, was most challenging, but so rewarding when I checked my grade and saw an A! In less than two weeks I start A & P II. I weighed my options and decided it would be to my advantage to finish this course before the baby arrives. If I wait, who knows for sure when I will get back. Plus this is my only pre-req left before I can apply to the UMD graduate nursing program!!! I do have some more work to do, I decided to apply to the physician’s assistant program, which entails 1400 hours of patient care contact, GREs & one more semester of pre-reqs, biochem and med terminology. Sounds like a lot, but I am in no rush. I wanna enjoy my babies; you can't get this time back. Boy, do I know that. Fifteen months have gone by faster than I could have ever imagined. Its tough when you want it all, a career and to be home with your babies. Difficult decisions have to be made, and if you are anything like Kurt & I you will talk about it until your blue in the face. I have learned that you can only plan life so much, at some point you just gotta let go of the reigns and live. No regrets yet. Okay, maybe I am regretting this condensed eight week summer course just a bit.

My brain has been a little foggy lately thinking about all the stuff we have yet to do to get ready for number two. Her room is still being used for clothing, guitar and amp storage. We have her bedding, furniture (thanks to her brother who doesn't use his crib...still) and the necessities. Grammy has an outfit for the first ninety days of her life (I really hope that sonogram tech knew what she was talking about). I figure her room will be done by the time she is one. We just run out of time! The scary thing is we haven't even begun having the doctor's appointments every two weeks. We are keeping our fingers crossed that we continue to get good news and we won't have to do any extra appointments or sonograms. Karson in the waiting room, I feel sorry for those poor women. Most of us go to the doctor to get a break from our kids, not to have to listen to someone else's.

Mommy had her first huge lapse in judgement last Tuesday morning. Blame it on the pregnancy brain, if that is a real thing? I had my glucose tolerance test and Karson was going to spend some time with Grammy. It was a typical morning, breakfast, clean up, shower, cartoons and cheerios, morning poop (Karson's that is) and packing the diaper bags. Yes, two! I decided to leave a little early because Karson was extra cranky and would not stop dangling from my leg. This is becoming an everyday occurrence that has me walking in circles to avoid his deadly latch. We packed up the car and I put him in his car seat, because he was screaming and throwing himself around in the backseat, I gave in and handed him my keys to hold. I had to run back to the house to close the front door. I consciously thought to myself, "Kasey, do not shut the doors on the car, Karson has your keys." So I went back to the car, did the one, two check and decided we were locked and loaded and ready to go. Yeah, we were locked alright. Just as I let go of the door, I remembered my thought from two seconds earlier. Shit! The doors were locked, with my cell phone in my purse sitting on the front seat. My panic set in, but I kept a level head and figured well its only 60 degrees, he is safe in his car seat, what is the logical next step? My mom was of course driving a bus that morning. I wasn't dare going to call Kurt unless I absolutely had to. I called C-pops, he is always my go to guy in case of an emergency. He just handles business and doesn't ask too many questions. I jumped the fence, I am sure it was a sight, seven months pregnant and climbing a fence. I went to my neighbor and knocked, she probably thought her house was caving in with my fierce knock. She came to the door and let me use her phone. In the mean time Karson is having a meltdown because he wants to know why I put him in the evil seat and let him sit there alone. My neighbor chatted with me a few minutes so I wouldn't be left alone. Just then as we stood in the driveway I heard my car doors lock. I leaped over the fence, yet again and rushed to the door. Karson was playing with my remote, hitting the lock button. I kept yelling, "the other button buddy (like he knew what I was saying)". Then he clicked it, he freed himself. I hurried up and called C-pops off. He just laughed when he found out Karson opened the door for me. Little booger is too smart for his own good. The entire ordeal lasted about seven minutes, but it was definitely long enough for me to know I NEVER want to have that feeling again. We were blessed to have help and that it wasn't a hot day, because if it had been we would have a broken window on Petey. We survived to tell the tale, yet again. 

I've been slacking lately with taking and uploading pictures, so I decided to throw in a flashback. Pre-baby couple!

Breaking the Habit.

Addiction or "habits" are powerful evils and they don't discriminate. It's our fault our little boy is in the current predicament that has shaken our routine to the core and in the process has tested our sanity. The first step is to admit your faults right? Well here it goes, "I am an enabler".  This whole story starts about 14 months ago when two crazy lovebirds welcomed their bundle of joy into the world. We were happy, over the moon and completely freaking clueless! We had such a hard time with breastfeeding, Karson would fall asleep every time he went to feed, I didn't think anything of it. Well this resulted in him losing too much weight his first week of life. We fixed the problem, pressing a cold cloth against his face when he would fall asleep. Pretty much torturing him however we could to get him to eat. This progressed into "nursing down" a technical term for giving him the boob or bottle to go to bed. This method has not been an issue for us until now. We are told its time for Karson to give up the bottle. For most kids this would seem like a rather simple command, but the bottle is his comfort. He has never had a pacifier (minus the day the professional photographer came to our house for his newborn pictures), thank you Karson. He does not have a blanky or stuffed animal he goes to for nurturing or comfort either. The bottle is his vice and obviously ours too. He is addicted to milk; he would consume 32 oz a day if we would allow it. We have now begun the tedious process of fixing our mistakes and slowly weaning him off the bot. 

If you have seen the T.V. show Intervention, then you kind of know how the first night went. We sat him down and explained to him that the bot was destroying his life; it was taking over his relationships and turning him into a monster. Seriously though, it kinda is. Mind you this all started because he has been sick with diarrhea for the past week and the doc said no more milk until we kick this stomach bugs butt. So Tuesday night went a little something like this: We let him play well beyond bed time, about 9:45 he started the call, crying for milk and pointing out to the kitchen. We let this go on for about 45 minutes, crying, screaming, choking, throwing himself around on the bed as if he was possessed (if you don't believe us I have proof, this time I videotaped for all the non-believers). Finally, after our heads were aching and I was in tears we decided "cold turkey" wasn't gonna work for this kid. We gave him 2 oz of milk and 2 of water. He sipped for 5 minutes and was out. We nursed that bot all night long, every time he woke up crying for it. Nap time was another challenge, thankfully he played outside so hard the next day he fell asleep in his highchair eating. I got off easy that day. Last night I had to work and Kurt was horribly sick with the same stomach bug our loving son has had, so Karson went to Grammy's for a sleepover. He went down with a 2 oz bot, but at 2 am all hell broke loose when Karson woke up and would not go back to sleep in the pack and play, but wanted to sleep with Grammy in bed. This sag-ways into our next bad habit....

Co-sleeping. Or as I lovingly refer to it as cuddle bugging. Well Grammy don't play that game and she was not giving in. Karson proceeded to cry for 3 hrs straight until pure exhaustion took over and he passed out. I give my Mom major credit because I cannot do it, I don't have the will power. Hence the conundrum we are facing. In 3 months we are going to have another little bear that will need a place to sleep, a crib. Since Karson doesn't use his we have talked about getting a big boy bed, but before this happens we need to get him out of bed with us. I've read up on the topic and obviously "the crying out method" is not for us. I ordered a new book on Amazon today in hopes to gain some new insight and fix this issue and completely skip it for baby number two. It wasn't always this way; he slept in his crib until he was about 9 months old. He got his first illness and I was a sucker. In between Mom and Dad ever since. He starts out in his crib and an hour into dream land and he cries for us to come get him. Prior to having children co-sleeping was a no go, never! I understood the dangers of it, saw it firsthand. Then you become a member of the walking dead and you start to sing a different tune. When he was a real little guy I didn't feel comfortable, then he packed on the pounds and was able to roll around in bed and kick us to the side and hog the middle, I knew he was safe. Now it is just a matter of how long can we go on like this? I also didn't help matters by allowing nap time with Mommy every day. I work nights and sometimes that's the only way I can get some shut eye too. Now it’s festered into I am not allowed to leave the bed, or he wakes up. Needless to say, I have nap time everyday too, which is prefect now because I am pregnant and tired, but what the hell is gonna happen when I have two?!?!? 

I feel defeated, like a failure, I failed my child, but then I think about "parenting rules". Who is this all Supreme Being telling me I can't have my kid sleep with us, or drink a bottle until he is ready to give it up? Will these bad habits really hurt him in the long run? Sometimes I feel like society is rushing our little ones to grow up too soon. Isn't it bad enough little girls are dressing like their in their twenties and little boys have fouler language than a sailor. What if I want to embrace my baby, toddler, whatever you want to call him? Do these bad habits make life a little harder for us, sure some days, but for the most part I feel like we have a routine, a stride, it works for us. If I could go back in time to the two lovebirds 14 months ago, yes I would tell them when Karson has his first cold, don't bring him in bed and make him soothe himself to sleep, don't rely on the bottle. Then again, would I? I wouldn't have the same memories or feelings or possibly even bond that I have with Karson now. I have taken pride in living my life with no regrets and ya know what I'm proud of my boy. If I can look back years from now and say his worst habits were sleeping with Mom and Dad and drinking too much milk than I think I have been successful in parenting. 

So new Mom's & Dad's, Parents to be, Future love birds...don't fret it, you'll work it out. Parenting is a journey, not a destination. There will always be a new challenge, that’s what makes it fun, right?

  Little Devilish Grin

Giving Mom Her Glory.

What a morning. I hate when you go to eat something you had on your mind and your lovely partner has already had their fill of it. It wasn't really that I wanted the Special K, but more like it was the only thing left to eat in the house.We are in desperate need of doing some grocery shopping, but must wait until this afternoon because Daddy has the money. Mommy might have overspent this week with a much needed pedicure and manicure. Meanwhile, Karson is enjoying a special treat, Lucky Charms, boy is he my kid, he picked out the marshmallows and left the cereal to rot. I feel as though we made up for our unhealthy decisions by accompanying our breakfast with clementines. Sometimes being a parent is all about being resourceful. It’s almost like Survivor; we all gotta do what we gotta to survive.

Our home is dismal on food because we just got back from a weekend away. Instead of doing a traditional Easter we decided to hit the open road with Grammy and C-pops in the RV. It’s just what I needed to end my wonderful week off of work. The weather was wonderful Saturday and Karson got a lot of outside time. He has become obsessed with playing outside, don't you dare go out the door without taking him with you. Nuclear meltdown. Sunday was rainy so we stayed inside and watched movies. What a camping trip right? The original plan was to come home with Kurt on Sunday night and leave Karson with my Mom because we had to get to school and work Monday morning. Unfortunately, I had a bit of crazy momma hit and my anxiety about leaving him went through the roof. I never know when she is going to strike, but when she does oh lord. C-pops decided it was time for all of us to leave, the weather was nasty and we all had to get back to reality. I also think he knew how much I wanted my booger home with me. I don't know why I had anxiety; it’s not something I can describe. I know he is safe, I know they take incredible care of him. I just couldn't say goodbye and when I need my booger with me, I just need him. I would also like to partially blame my pregnancy hormones. It’s funny to think sometimes all I want is an hour to myself, and then when I get that hour I either spent it talking or thinking about Karson. Even my time spent at the nail salon is mostly conversation about him. I try really hard to not lose sight of who I am, ya know just me, minus family life, but the truth is this is me now. I am mom, I'll always be. This little boy has changed me and I would never want to go back to the way it was. Mother is in my definition now and it is the most important, hands down, and the hardest, but always most rewarding.   

Karson wanted me to tell everyone who hasn't heard: We are having a girl! We found out about two weeks ago at our 20 week sonogram. I had a little inkling and so did Kurt. The idea of a girl was tough at first, so many questions/opinions....then the idea grew on me. I heard horror stories about attitude and drama, tears and boyfriends. Ugh. I thought about when I was a child, I gave my mother nearly 100 heart attacks. She lovingly refers to me as her "wild child". Okay, so every child different, so is every parent. Thanks everyone for negative views on having a daughter (they have been scary as hell), but what about the good stuff? What about having your daughter as your best friend, being there when she becomes a wife and a Mom, watching her journey of becoming a woman? I never fully understood my Mom, I might never. We are a lot alike, but we differ enough. I do know now what being a Mother really means. I've watched her do it for years, maybe not flawlessly and certainly not effortlessly, but I respect her for the job she has done (which her children reflect is an amazing job, might I say) and the sacrifices she has made. I am so proud to be the daughter of the strongest women I know. I hope one day my daughter will be write the same thing. That's the true meaning of having a daughter. The road may be challenging, but the journey is worth it! So enough with you naysayers, we are thrilled to be having a baby girl. And enough about the perfect family, I want a third and you are not helping in convincing the husband. 

Karson is leaning in to give kisses now, he follows simple directions and answers yes or no. Where has my baby gone?