Another Crazy Train

Where did I leave off?

The last week has really been a downer. First, I went to the sonogram on Monday found out baby is only 7 lbs. 10 oz. Great News! Of course the doctor found something else. My placenta is aging, it is a grade 3. Now we have to go have non-stress tests twice a week. I will practically be living at the doctor's for the last two weeks of this pregnancy. According to the doctor they will not let me go past my due date, which is awesome news.  10 days until D-day!!!

My grandfather just had knee replacement surgery. We were worried, but he is a trooper and doing really well. My dad announced his wedding date-whew. My wonderful brother and mother have had a falling out. I love my family!!! (Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?) Now I wonder why baby has no desire to come out naturally?!? Probably avoiding all the family drama that has ensued. I know you're probably thinking why do you care? Well, I love my family & I just thought wouldn't it be great for everyone to come together and welcome this little one into the world. No pity party here, just keep swimming!

To take my mind off the baby countdown & crazy train, last Friday me & my best girlfriends had a sleepover. REALLY NEEDED IT! We had pizza, they had wine & we just talked until we couldn't anymore. I am so lucky to have my friends. (I am also lucky to have my family). Everyone is waiting patiently to welcome the baby. I can feel everyone's excitement. I just really hope that everyone comes together when baby joins us! Life is too short to hold grudges. I know this from first-hand experience.

Come on Kub-Mommy needs a big pick me up! 

Another false alarm.

Lately it seems the closer I get to the finish line, the farther it seems.

It’s only January 21^st!?!? Seriously.

I don’t want to rush the little guy/gal, but come on Mommy & Daddy are aging waiting for you. Every week we go to the doctor, I feel like they are giving us the run around. Your baby is 8 lbs. this week, last week only 7. No you are not dilated; you’ll probably go all 40 weeks. Make up your minds!!! I guess ultimately it’s up to baby. We have a sonogram on Monday.

8 more work days to go. Not that I don’t like working..hehe. It’s just getting a little harder to get around as fast. My boss has a full moon theory, must have nine full moons in between the time you conceive until delivery, well if that’s the case looks like we are gonna make it til at least Feb. 7^th. Maternity leave (or the lack there of) kinda scares me. I took a week off before my due date & now I am worried I might be late & wasting time. Ugh. Waiting games, not a fan.

My co-workers threw me a really nice work baby shower. My friend Coriann made this AMAZING cake. I kept all the fondant animal creatures. I am going to make shadow boxes to hang on the nursery walls. I made awesome picture frames with pictures my husband shot of me at home. I wasn’t in love with the idea of a maternity photo shoot, but we wanted to commemorate the gigantic belly I have. Trying to keep busy crafting & resting. Project craft cave is in the process. Husband is a nesting fool. I am kind of past that point. Just trying to soak up every minute of extra sleep I can get.

The adorable cake made by Coriann!!!

I saw my baby nephew Kaleb last night. Changed his clothes & his diaper. I am working on getting some practice. He was crying because of his gassy butt. I was rocking him and patting his little butt. Can’t believe I will be rocking my little baby soon. Or the fact that there is a baby the size of my nephew in my belly. WTH?!?

I have had a couple sleepless nights when I have thought OMG! This is it. WRONG! Everyone keeps saying when you go, you will know. Well I hope I am one of the 10% of women that has their water break, I mean gush. Gross I know.  I just don’t want to wonder  what if? I definitely DON’T want to go to l & d for nothing. We’ve been there wayyy to many times.

On a side note: Today while getting out of my car I felt a gush of cold, that almost felt wet. I look down thinking my water broke. NEGATIVE. My pants ripped down my crotch. Thank gosh I had an extra pair of pajama pants in my car. Yay Garfield golfing pj pants. I am happy that it is a Saturday & no one is really in the building today. Here’s to gaining 40 pounds! This baby better come soon I am running out of clothes. Down to one shirt that fits & well no pants. We will have to figure something out.  

Another day another pain.

24 days until D-day. 11 more work days to go.

Counting down is an under statement!

I have so many emotions swirling up inside, it's ridiculous. Part of me is sooo ready to have this baby. Ready to hold him/her. Ready to be a mommy. Ready to see my wonderful husband hold his baby.

The other part is scared….shitless actually. Scared of the unknown. Scared that after this entire journey our baby won't be healthy. Scared that I am not going to be a natural parent.

I am sure that every FTM thinks the same things, but I just got to let it out!

Just thinking about holding my baby makes me tear up. Come on little kub!!!

On to a lighter side:  My body feels like that of a 90 year old. I wish I was joking. My legs & feet are so swollen. My hips & pelvis feel like they are going to give out on me. My muscles have sharp shooting pains. I have easily put on 40 lbs. The baby is running out of room. I feel like crap 90% of the time. Feels great getting all of this out! I hate complaining to my friends, family or husband, because I am the one who decided to take this big step to be a mommy. Done.

Kub- Mommy & Daddy can’t wait to meet you!

A rough start to a New Year.

Wow... only 5 days into the New Year & I have to say it has sucked. A piece of bad news a day. Hopefully things start to turn around here soon. On a separate note: (beware of crazy momma coming out) I went on my l & d tour the other night. Well... its a little late to change anything now, but in the future I will definitely be doing my homework about everything. I know people day don't have any preconceived notions about l & d, because most of the time it NEVER happens that way. I thought I had a pretty logical concept of it all. With my go with the flow personality, I thought whatever happens, happens...right?!? Well wrong. I had a vision of  l & d, I was let down. I guess the biggest things that bother me about the hospital I am delivering is that:

1. They only give me an 1-1 half to breastfeed after delivery.
2. They take the baby to the nursery for a check up & bath time. (Daddy will accompanying baby to the nursery, he has strict instructions not to let the baby out of his sight! Poor Daddy has to deal with psycho mom).
3. The room that we will be moved to after l & d is seriously the size of a small jail cell, which will limit the number of visitors we have at the hospital (might not be a bad thing).
4. I had hoped I would be doing this natural-meaning no drugs. They only have two rooms with Jacuzzi's & I plan on getting one of them!

I guess overall, it isin't that bad, but when I envisioned on bringing my baby into the world, this wasn't the place that I saw. Daddy doesn't understand why I have been a raving maniac about the tour, but he wasn't there to see what we are working with. Right now the best thing to do is REST & try my best to relax because in the end "whatever will be, will be".