Cut the Crap. Let's Talk About Motherhood for Real!

The baby time zone has struck again. Has it really been that long since my last post?!?!

The last couple of weeks the one question that I keep getting from people is, "Do you enjoy being a parent?" What the hell kind of question is that? I'm assuming that Kurt and I get confronted with this question because we are first time parents? Who the hell knows. So when people ask me I look at them and think is this someone that wants me to smile and say "Oh I absolutely love it" OR is this someone I can be honest with. Well in short, here's the real answer. Everyday I wake up, walk across the hall and I have this little person who depends on me for survival looking up at me (most of the time screaming his head off). I pick him up, change him and attach the little booger to my boob. Then we begin our day, regardless of what we get into, you can bet their will be tantrums, poop and sore boobies. The night comes and the gremlin fights every bit of the night time routine. His father comes home and finds that three hours later I am still fighting to put him  to sleep. The quiet occurs and I sleep with a blinding light (the video monitor) in my face. One (or two) late night feedings later and  there you have it...my day as a parent. Is it Groundhog's Day? Oh no my life is on constant repeat? Neither, reality has set in I am a mother!

By now your thinking wow this lady really hates parenthood or being a mother. Well you couldn't be any further from the truth. I'll let you in on a sick little secret, I have never been as happy in my life as I am when my little booger wakes me up for a 5:30 feeding. In the quiet darkness I sit rocking him as he looks into my eyes and although he can't say it yet, I feel an incredible burst of the deepest love I have ever felt. So when someone asks me this question when I am doing everything in my power to quiet my baby down from bursting the eardrums of those around us, I want to smack the person. How could any sane person love this. No one ever asks me this question when I am having one of my life altering mother moments. YES! I enjoy being a parent. What I really enjoy is the hilarity of it all!!!

Two quick lighthearted moments to put a smile on your face.

1. The husband, baby and I were in the grocery store yesterday. I was pushing a cart with the baby in his car seat (this is another subject, but I am going to invent something easier for mother's to take infants shopping in) my husband had the actual grocery cart. We were strolling through and the baby started to wake up, I quickly exited the aisle and stood by the strange meat rack (there is a strange odor and is usually a safe place to get away from everyone else) and continued to move the cart back and forth trying to soothe the baby and put his butt back to sleep to finish the epic shopping trip. Just then, a pregnant girl (maybe 16) turns the corner with her mother. She longingly looks over at our cart and peers into the car seat. I could just see the "Aww, I can't wait to have my baby look on her face". The cynical mother I am, knowing what this poor girl's life is going to be like in less than 3 months smirked. I freaking smirked, like a devil, almost evil really. I started to chuckle and couldn't restrain myself. Oh honey this is reality, this ain't MTV.

2. Sitting in bed with my "good sweats" on. Don't judge me (if your a mother you know what these are). I look down and there is a puddle of a wet spot just near my crotch. "What the hell" I thought? Where did this come from? First, I made sure I didn't pee myself (so I slacked on my kegels). Nope. Second, made sure the baby did not throw up or slobber. Nope. Third, "Shit are my boobs leaking AGAIN?!? I just changed my shirt. Nope. Perplexed, I did what any other wondering mother would do, that's right you guessed it, I smelled it. Hmmm, didn't really have a scent. I then decided on waking my baby because I could not rest until I knew where this wet spot came from. I did the one two look over exam, then the pat down. Ah ha! I found it! My wonderful boy had such a mega pee from the 4 oz bottle he had just consumed, he leaked through his diaper, undershirt and new onesie onto my sweats. The mystery was solved. Sad part, the highlight of my day. I couldn't wait until Kurt got home so I could share the news with him. For the audience  I have decided to leave out the multiple stories of poop stains that have shown up in the strangest places. Scooby might have the mystery machine, but I have the mommy mysteries that will one day make millions.

Until Next Mystery.

Happy Belated St. Patty's Day!

Baby Time Zone

Starting today I have only 3 weeks left before I go back to work. I can’t get over how fast the time has flown by. Karson is already a month old! Before I know it he will be running around the house. Kurt & I joked after he was born we felt like we were in the baby time zone. Everything just seemed to zoom by without a lot of time to absorb it. I don’t want this time to go too fast; I am enjoying watching him grow every day. He is changing so much, he has been focusing on toys and he looked up at me and smiled today! We are working on day/night time adjustment. Progress is being made a little at a time. He treats me to 5-6 hours in a chunk. According to other parents I should count my blessings! He should be sleeping through the night in no time. Work is definitely going to be challenging, twelve hour work days on 5 hours of sleep are not going to be good, but like with the newborn stage we will survive. After struggling with the transition from bassinet to crib, I can honestly say it was a God send for me. The sleep I am getting is not as restless as before. We have a video monitor anyway!

The kiddo decided to give me a little scare yesterday morning, 6:30 am and he started crying for a morning feeding. I slowly pulled myself from bed and heard him stop. At this point I was waiting him out, 7 am Dad takes over! All of the sudden his little stir sounded like someone was torturing him. I ran across the hallway opened the door to find his legs stuck in the crib railings. I tried to free them, but he was screaming so loud and I was obviously upset I lost my mind. I screamed to Kurt and he came to save the day. Unfortunately, I am sure this will not be the last time our wiggle worm will do this. He loves being jammed up against the crib on his right side. (Just like when he was jammed in my belly!) I checked his legs and he was just fine. We were both just shaken up and scared. He knows how to worry his mother already.

Among the banter on Facebook I found two really interesting articles about parenthood this week. One was written by a mother who talked about how she judged parents and their skills prior to being a parent. I got a great kick out of this! I was definitely one of those girls. She said it’s obvious when we are being judged, and boy is that the truth. My experience was at Friendly’s the other night. Mom and I decided to grab a bite to eat. Kiddo was fast asleep in his car seat. About the time we got our ice cream he started to stir a little. I took him out of his seat to prevent a meltdown in the middle of the already obnoxiously loud restaurant. I saw this family of four look at us like we were aliens right of the space ship. Haven’t they ever seen a baby before? They began to whisper and the two little boys were doing the rude stare. I wanted to stick out my tongue or give em the finger (hah!).  It would have been different if the baby was crying or if they had smiles on their faces. NEGATIVE. So like I was always taught I just gave them the biggest smile, all the while thinking of the best profanity’s I could conjure up in my head.

The other article was about mothers of boys who are destined to lose their son to their eventual daughter in law. I got a big chuckle out of this article. One because I’ve seen it happen, two because I have been the evil daughter in law (girlfriend in my case) many times in my life before. Now that I am the mother of a boy, I often think about the future, especially when we are rocking at night quietly in his room. I make Karson promise me he will never break my heart. I feel like this statement covers all the basics: lie to me, disappoint me and most importantly forget about me when he meets the love his life and is ready to start a family. I know you are thinking this girl is a whack job, the baby is only one month, but remember what I said we are in a special time zone! His father thinks I’m funny when I say things like you’ll always be my baby. There is just something different and special in a mother and son relationship, since I don’t have a girl to compare it just yet I am not sure just what it is. So what if I want a Momma’s boy, one day some lucky girl will thank me for the nurturing, caring, respectful and supportive husband I have raised. If he is anything like his father, he will be the best catch around town.

We gotta end on that note my little gremlin just woke up with sirens sounding. Next time I will try to let the time zone keep me from writing.