Scaredy Cat

I thought the title was appropriate for this time year, which also happens to my absolute favorite holiday! October has been filled with fun stuff every weekend; we have been running in circles. Karson loves it! He is a busier boy these days and most of the time he much rather be out running around on the town than be stuck at home. Last weekend we started our holiday off with a big bang. Mom, C-Pops, Kurt, myself and Karson traveled to P.A. for our first RV trip. Thank You Grammy & C-Pops. Karson loved every minute of it. He enjoyed the people watching, he rode a hayride, handed out candy to trick or treaters. He wasn't scared of any of the costumes! I knew he wouldn't be, he enjoyed the life size creepies in the Halloween Spirit store. I decided to give in and spend a fortune on a group Halloween costume for my Mom, Kurt, Karson & I. I won't spill the surprise just yet, but I will be sure to post a photo. We have two parties to attend this weekend, the first my little cousin Ryan is turning 18 and then Kurt & I have an adult party for a wonderful friend. We just have to get through Friday, which is the worst (Chemistry lab and then I dedicate the rest of the day for doing the insane amount of work that we receive). 

Next weekend is Kurt & I's second wedding anniversary. We are traveling to Cumberland for a murder mystery dinner and train ride. Grammy will have Karson yet again. We are very excited to have some Mommy & Daddy time, we try to have it at least once a month, sometimes everyday life gets in the way, but its important to remember that without Kurt and the love I have for him, there would be no Karson. I adore both of my boys. I can't believe how fast the last two years have gone, we have been very busy! There is never a dull moment with Kurt and I love it. I am so proud to call him my husband, and so very blessed to have him in my life and to have him be the father of my child. I could not have picked a better man for the job. God broke the mold when he created Kurt. I only hope that Karson will be just as good as a man, he does have an excellent role model. I love this crazy ride we're on, I have the best line buddy ever and every so often we are that sappy pda couple. You know the type.

I found another interesting article on babycenter, (I'm telling you I maybe go on the website twice a month and every time I find information that either intrigues me or pisses me off). The article was titled, "Forty-two things that change when you have a baby." It should have been titled, "Everything changes when you have a baby!" That's the truth! Either way number two was the one that struck a nerve, "Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid."  Preach on! Throughout this whole journey I have been pretty relaxed, I would be the laid back counterpart of our production. Even when I was being wheeled to the OR for my emergency c-section I had this eerily calm presence. I knew deep down in my gut that everything would be okay. I have angels and I felt their presence that day for sure. When we brought Karson home, we were clueless, but I was never afraid. I didn't have to keep vigil by his crib every night. I knew he wasn't going to stop breathing. When he was teething and crying so hard he would turn purple, I knew we were going to survive this too. I must say I have been remarkably brave. I can't take the credit, because I know a couple people above are working their magic.  Sure, with every passing day I can feel myself getting older, I'm banking on the fact I will be gray by the time I am 30. The true reason why I don't give into my fear is because if I did, I would put Karson in a bubble and lock the doors forever. I have never truly experienced true gut-wrenching heart throbbing fear until I became a parent. I watch stories on T.V. about kids going missing and I feel like I could barf. I grab Karson and squeeze him. I hear about a family whose child died when I am at work, and it takes everything in my power to not grab my keys and fly home to Karson. I see sick children on commercials and I feel my stomach flip. All of these are my greatest fears, sure I might not openly say, "I'm scared, but I am literally shaking in my shoes." I know I can't live my life in fear, that statement reassures me and is the only thing sometimes that keeps me sane. 

My counterpart Kurt has been more open about the fear and anxiety that being a parent has brought on. The other night while I was at work Kurt was watching in the monitor and noticed Karson had rolled over onto his belly (his new favorite sleeping position) except he had his face down on the mattress. At first Kurt just went in to make sure he could breathe. When he reached in and it was not obvious Kurt flipped and grabbed Karson up out of bed and began to attempt to arouse him. Karson slowly looked up at his father and I am sure gave him a dirty look for waking him up. I received a frantic call that had me doing everything I could think of to calm Kurt down. I thought we had Kurt's panic licked. Unfortunately, Monday night while we were all laying around watching The Voice, Karson started making weird breathing sounds when he was falling asleep in my arms. I panicked and before I could do anything, Kurt had grabbed Karson and began to pound on his back. Karson woke up and was smiling. (The little turd smiles when he coughs, he loves seeing us flip out). I was trying to monitor his breathing, but my heart was pounding so hard, my hands were shaking. I knew that he was breathing and this incident did not warrant 911, I called my Mom and told her to come over asap. C-Pops and her were here in a minute. They undressed him and played with him. My Mom listened to his heart and lungs with our first aid stethoscope. His Grammy prognosis was great. We chalked the sounds up to him having some milk left in his throat after falling asleep. The next morning I called the doctor to be sure, he has been pulling at his right ear lately too, so I thought I would kill two birds with one stone. Just as I expected Karson was perfect, the doctor even said so. A lot of wax for a little one, but no other concerns. I told the doctor about the incident with Kurt and she said I had brought the wrong boy in to see the doctor, like we had suspected Kurt has some serious anxiety issues. We are trying to tackle them without medications, but no matter what it needs to be controlled. I thought my fear was bad, Kurt's fear NEVER takes a break. I couldn't imagine that. I would be nutty. Our challenge is to overcome our daily anxieties to enjoy life. Like anything thrown our way, we are going to overcome it. We are Mundell’s after all!

I will leave you all with this little token, don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. Life is scary, being a parent is terrifying, but it is worth every minute of it. C'mon look at that smile!