Growing Pains.

Similar to the classic cheesy 80's sitcom and the Seaver family, my little family has been challenged with our own growing pains. Whenever a baby is brought into the picture, life changes, the simple everyday things (like going to the bathroom alone) and the complex relationships that have taken years to build. If you are someone who doesn't love change (or downright dreads it) this can be even more of a challenge. I have always prided myself on being someone who is pretty easy to go with life's flow, but when two people become three, this is not a go with the flow situation. This whole situation is life altering stuff- unfortunately our episodes do not end with a live audience clapping and upbeat music.

During the first weeks of your child's life there are so many emotions going on. There is excitement, anxiousness, fear and loneliness (even if you have a super support system). You are still Mom and the majority of the responsibility falls on you. I was going through some serious growing pains (and hormonal fluxes) and so was husband and baby. After Kurt went back to work I was really starting to resent him. I resented the fact that he was able to sleep, able to escape the endless bouts of crying, able to retain some part of himself. Instead of talking about these feelings, I internalized them (why, I don't know). Maybe I was ashamed of the way I was feeling. Worst thing for a new mom to do is not talk. For the first time in four years I had negative feelings towards my husband. This was even more difficult to deal with because we had never even had a fight before, our life together was easy. Fast forward about three months to the present. We survived (hooray!). I finally had to sit him down and talk, I don't mean sugarcoat the emotions, but get real, dirty style. He was hurt (he is VERY sensitive), but he had some feelings he needed to talk about too. I felt much more connected, in tune with him. We are definitely better because of it. Karson is not the only one growing leaps and bounds. We all are, individually and together. Our family unit is much stronger now than it has ever been. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can breathe. I can go to sleep at night knowing that everything that I am feeling has been said, even the not so nice feelings. 

The other night at work I started a 16 & Pregnant marathon. I had absolutely nothing else to watch and figured why not. Boy was that a bad idea. Before I knew it I was reliving all of those emotions I felt the first couple weeks of Karson's life. I was crying and then even worse I was fuming! Pissed actually. I was and am so blessed to have a supportive partner in this journey. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Who else could have put up with my crazy? After turning off the trash I decided to research rolling over. Kurt has been staying up all night watching the baby monitor when I am at work because Karson is starting to roll over. Kurt was scared to death that Karson would not be able to breathe if he rolled over in the middle of the night. The clear headed death investigator knows that there is nothing to worry about, but the narcotic first time mom had to google it. A half an hour into it and I am texting Kurt at 4am to get up and check on the baby. Panic had set in and I was not going to rest until I got an answer. So I called him, all was well. After I hung up I thought to myself, holy shit these feelings are never going to go away, I thought the days of panic were over. I thought that phase was complete and we were on to the next. Every day brings new milestones and new emotions. We are all just growing together and facing new pains.

Talking about pains-yesterday was boogie's 4 month check up. I felt a lot better this time than last. The doctor was surprised when I said I was still breastfeeding. She told me congratulations, I felt like I had won a medal. Let's be honest women should get one (or two) for all that we do when it comes to our children! Karson overall is right on track, we got a ham on our hands. He is a chart topper already (let's hope this continues, one day I would love to be a rock stars Mom). He is 90th percentile for height, 80th for weight. Our doctor wants to wait til 6 months for solids, she doesn't want him to be obese (funny, but true). I can't believe how much I enjoy breastfeeding now, in retrospective I am SO happy that I did not give up!!! The shots were easy-peasy, two second scream when they pulled them out and he was back to smiles. Later that evening is another story. I thought we were in the clear, we had a wonderful mid day nap and he woke up with a big 'ol boogie smile! I decided to run some errands with my mom, first stop egg custard sno-ball, not even two seconds into it and all the sudden Karson let out a screech. He went from happy to pissed in .2 seconds. We flew to the nearest drug store for Tylenol. We sat in the parking lot for an hour with Karson screaming at the top of his lungs, people could hear him in their own cars. (My kid can scream). Parenting lesson number one: watching your child in pain is absolutely heartbreaking, you would cut off your own arm to make them feel better. I adore this little monster so much that I was crying along with him. We both survived the exhausting ordeal. Bedtime was an hour early that night (for both of us)!